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Coming Out TO Parents

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by imahugger, Jan 10, 2017.

  1. imahugger

    Regular Member

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    Peoria
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    So I come from a religious family that goes to church every Sunday. I am pretty sure my parents are homophobic due to the comments they have made in the past. I am Pan and currently in LDR and have hidden the relationship for 4 years and my sexuality longer than that. I am also SMI (severaly mentally ill) and live with them still unfortunately because I don't have an income as I am not working atm so I can't move out yet. I am trying to get ssdi and ssi right now and my dad doesn't like that. He told me that he hates whoever told me to apply for ssdi and ssi. So I am caught in a situation I cannot get out of and I am afraid to come out to them as I am not very close with them because I was adopted when I was an infant so I have never felt or had that connection with them. A couple people who know my parents have told me that I should definitely wait until I finally move out to officially come out to them. My aunt on the other hard thinks I should come out to them or at least my mom as she thinks my mom would be more understanding. However my dad is a bit different, all I am to him is a lazy ass helpless person who is going to end up on the streets. I have been put down and verbally and emotionally abused by them all my life and nothing I do ever makes them happy so it really scares me to come out to them, my dad more so that my mom but I am still afraid of coming out to both of them. I have an amazing relationship with my mom (biological mother) and she is very supportive of me. I just don't know if I should try to come out to my mom and chance her telling my dad or just wait.. They have both made comments about gays/lesbians in the past so it really bothers me. One time when my friend who is disabled wanted me to spend the weekend with her my mom immediately said "Well what if she's gay?". She said the same thing another time I met a trans woman online and because friends with her. She lives in another city that's about 2 hours away and I wanted to go visit her and again she came up with the comment "What if she's gay". Which she was transgender mtf and lesbian but my mom didn't know that at time... I just don't know what to make of it all and what I should do.. Any advice, suggestions, opinions anyone has for me is greatly appreciated. It frustrates me to no end and I want out of my parents house so bad. I am me and that's all I can be. Thanks in advance!
    :slight_smile:
     
  2. Assassin'sKat

    Full Member

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    Your head, zombie.
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    Lesbian
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    Some people
    Sounds like you aren't close to them. You know, people say to me, that I should tell my parents. And I get why. But I think it's different if you aren't close to them. Like, I haven't told my dad because I can rarely get him to talk to me anyway, and would rather discuss other things when we do talk. Anyway, if you think telling them would make your life easier, go for it. Or to just get it off your chest. It sounds like it would make things harder for you though. I would hint at it a little and see how they react. Remember that you don't have to tell them if you think they won't react well, it's not their business.a
     
  3. OrchaidLover

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
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    All but family
    I can really understand your situation. My own family is pretty religious and while my mother at least might be okay with fining out I'm bisexual, they will disown me if they ever find out I'm atheist. The only advice I have for you is the same thing I'm doing. Wait to come out to your family until you are no longer financially dependent on them.