Confused and Advice Needed

heya, welcome to EC! ok, not sure how useful ill be, but...
yea, when i first started to realise i was bi, there was only 1 person i know who was bi too, and she was taken (damit!). so i was left feeling pretty alone, not really knowing who to talk to about it.i understand ur confusion...ill bet we all do.we all have to base our sexuality on somethingto start, so dont worry about being unsure.

so, u say u dont go out alot...y dont u have a look round ur area, find some youth groups or something, so u can meet new ppl. you may find ppl who r in the same postition. or u could try internet dating sites and such like, but be really careful if u meet ppl. im sur u would have heard this warning like, a million time before, but please take care. is there some support group at ur school that u could become a part of?


like i said, i dont know how useful this is!!! take care, much love
x

 

Give it time. I don't imagine a small town in Georgia can be that accepting, though I could be wrong. And anyway, high school is hard enough. So you're attracted to men and women, maybe men a bit more. That tells you something about yourself that you shouldn't hide from yourself or be afraid of. If there's any kind of support group in town, you should check it out -- I bet you'd find that you're not alone. If not, don't panic. You don't need to rush out and hook up with someone of either gender to "prove" yourself one way or the other. That's the wrong way to look at it. Just take it easy and keep in touch with how you feel. It's okay to like both guys and girls -- it doesn't mean you'll break a girl's heart... as long as you don't try to make yourself attracted to her when you're not. Follow your heart and figure the rest out as you go. No matter where you fall, it's okay.

You're definitely welcome here, and I hope you stick around -- having an outlet is really important, especially if you can't find people to talk to in your hometown. Just give it time and you'll figure it out.

 

Hi and welcome to EC !
According to your profile you are 15. It's very young, you have plenty of time to feel comfortable with your sexuality. There is no rush. It is fine if you are attracted to both gender, and it is fine too if you are mostly attracted to men. You don't need to hook up with someone right now to prove yourself you are bi or gay. Again, you have time to figure it out.
Take care, Eleanor

 

I did something wrong and I hope you don't do that, and that's limiting yourself by putting a "label" on your sexuality. Human beings, specially teenagers, have a HECK lots of hormones going crazy all over your body. That explains the pubic hair, the uncomfortable boners 24/7 and of course, the desire of having sex. And menstruation in the girls.

Those hormones are the ones that are making you "experiment" and it's fine, just be safe. We'll get to that later. But in the meantime, while you experiment, it's not OK to limit yourself to ONE thing. Limiting your mind to "I'm gay, I'm gay" and turns out you're bi will make you go nuts. You would basically have to come out of some sort of closet twice. Or three times if you find out the previous labels were wrong. Or God knows if even 4 or 5 times.

What I am trying to say is that if someone asks you "are you gay?", and you're not sure, just answer with the honest truth: "I don't know, wanna experiment to find out?". That's of course, if your safety (both physical and metal safety) isn't in jeopardy. Telling a little lie at this point should be the least of your concerns: you need to open up to everyone until you're fully satisfied with the answer you're giving.

Now to the safety: If you're going to experiment, USE A CONDOM. No exceptions. ALWAYS. I know that just for oral, condoms aren't really used, but get some flavored condoms if you're going to have oral. If you're going to go all the way into "butt love", get good latex condoms and LOTS of water based lube. There is no such thing as "too much lube". Of course you're not going to put the whole bottle in your penis, but try to be generous with the amount you use. Your butt, or your intimate friends' butt will be thankful.

It's better to use water base lube than oil based lube because if it's going inside, oil based lubes can be not just messier, but uncomfortable and might harm more than what they help. Some condoms break easily with oil based lubes. Some people are allergic to oil based lubes. Etc. So make sure to get a thick water base lube. The longer it takes to dry out, the better.

DATING: If you just want to date, kiss, make out, but no sex, make sure you don't compromise your abstinence. Go to crowded places, don't invite over to your house late at night or when your parents aren't there, go out as a group of friends instead of you two alone, etc. If you don't want to be open with your dating, try the last one, since being in a group of friends doesn't give you exclusivity and doesn't mean that s/he is your date, you're all friends.

HOW TO GET THERE: Sex and Dating comes after a process that's called socializing. Better known as, making new friends and meeting new people! You said you knew this gay guy at your school but you never talk to him? Well if he's in your class, casually say "hi". Or if you look at him in the halls, just act a little clumsy and flirty, drop your notebook and pick it up, or trip and fall at his feet, or whatever crazy plot you might come up to start a conversation. Join clubs at your school based on your interests, and if you're part of a club already then try to balance your schedule so you can join another one!

And the most important thing: Love yourself (*hug*) because we want you to be happy and we're here to help Good luck!!

 

Hey I think most of the advice I could give has already been covered by those about so ill just say welcome to EC

 

I agree completely! You're only 15 years old. Don't feel pressured to date or be physically intimate with anyone at this point. You're not alone in being a virgin at that age. It's probably the more sensible path. OK?

There is no need to figure yourself out in a hurry. Some of us didn't manage to do that until we were more than twice your age! So congratulate yourself for having enough self awareness to know already that you're into guys and girls. And relax. You don't have to pick one over the other now, or ever, if you don't want to.

Good luck - and welcome to EC. Just hang out here and get comfortable with yourself.