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I think i'm in love with my best friend. need advise!

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by lottsO, Jan 11, 2017.

  1. lottsO

    Regular Member

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    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Its been about 6 years since me and my "crush" lets say have been friends. It all began about 2 years ago when he was the only person to help me get through my depression and ever since those days hes been one of my closest friends. ( I just wish it could be a little closer :icon_sad: ) I've been reading other posts about what to do if you a love a straight friend, however I'm confused about his orientation. I believe he is straight however he jokes very often about being gay and says a lot of gay stuff, and i know hes joking but sometimes i just think....surely if you do it this much there must be something more than just being witty and having fun. Is he trying to lead me on? Is this a really passive way of coming out to me? i just don't understand. See I've never really had a stable relationship. My only experience was with a girl from high school which only lasted for a short time and i never really felt like it was special. However this time i have real feelings for him I'm just scared if i tell him how i feel 'll destroy one of the best friendships Iv'e ever had and lose the person who means most to me. I know there is a large risk if i do tell him however its really starting to bottle up inside and I'm urging towards telling him but i feel as if i'm not ready yet. Any advise on how i can ease into the conversation or if i should at all. Thanks guys :help:
     
  2. OrchaidLover

    Regular Member

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    Dear lootsO,
    The only advice I can give you is to talk to him. If you really don't want to confess your feelings for him, which while I suggest it I can also understand, then just asked him if he is gay, or bisexual. If you have really strong feelings for this person and you don't do anything about it there's a chance you'll spend the rest of your life wondering "what if". If you sit down and talk everything through with him and it just doesn't work out then you'll at least know that it wasn't "meant to be" (excuse the cliche).
    I think asking him about his sexuality might be the best way to ease into the conversation whether or not you tell him about your feelings.
    Best of luck,
    Orchaid Lover
     
  3. YeahpIdk

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    first, some solidarity with these feelings. It sucks so hard to be in this position, so I feel your pain.

    Now, your friend joking that he's gay could be from a few different things. 1) he may be and is testing the waters with your reaction. 2) he suspects you may be so is trying to ease it out of you by letting you know he's cool with your orientation. 3) he's really just kidding around and is one of those people who is comfortable with their sexuality and acts silly when they're with their close friend.

    The 3rd example comes from my own experience with my best friend. I don't have romantic feelings for her, and vice versa, but as soon as I came out to her, everything we did wound up becoming us being lesbians in a joking way. We went out to dinner all the time = lesbians. We'd have a routine of places we liked to go when hanging out = lesbians. But it's all in good joking fun. A couple times I definitely gave a side eye, but I know it's just being silly.

    On the other hand, it is interesting that he keeps saying it. How about next time he does, say something like, "you trying to tell me something, dude? I'm totally cool with you being gay. I'm a little gay myself." Then pause without freaking to see his reaction. If he freaks out or says he's joking, you can laugh it off and be like, "me too. Just trying to help you out if you needed to say something, bro." Or, you could tell him you are bi if you're comfortable. OR maybe he'll come out and say he's not straight and then you can go from there.

    I wouldn't tell him you're into him. You're going to take two years of feelings and try to smush it into a few moments. It's usually messy. I would gage him to see where he's at and then go from there. You can come out or not. But play it cool. And I say this from a place of telling a "friend" that I had feelings for them and it blowing up in my face. Your thing is different, but play it cool. This way, if they are straight, and even if they aren't, you have room to sort your feelings while not ruining the friendship.