Everything is so complicated in my life at the moment Im 18 left school last year to go to Uni, still confused about my sexuality. I knew i like guys more than girls, but just couldnt see myself in a relationship with a guy, and don't like the whole gay scene. For the first semester i went out with my uni mates and was reguarly pulling a girl every time i went out, but just didnt feel much. Then last month i got talking to this guy online who i knew was gay and was friends with of my school friends. We got talking and he was so sweet, telling me how good lookin i was and basically flirting with me. So we got txting, and at that moment in time i was so happy, always excited when i got a txt. Then one night went out with my friends and he went with his and we met up, i was wasted and ended up going back to his. No need for the detail, but was the first time i had pulled a guy and the first time i had felt that way about anyone. The weird thing was i wasnt able to cum, and ive previous experiences with girls and always been able to. I went round to his again the next week and it was the same, then he started saying he thought i was straight and thats why i couldnt. The next few days he was cold with me and told me he didnt want a 'secret relationship' and didnt want a relationship in general. Then in the last week he has been cold with me, normally im too proud, and would walk away, but i cant stop thinking about him 24/7. Last night he told me he had a date with his ex, i was so gutted, and annoyed , felt a bit used. I had risked so much for him, and now he doesnt care for me. Says he just wants to be friends, but i cant get him out my head. The only good thing that has come out of this is, this is the first time in my life i have ever fell in love with anyone, and basically confirmed my sexuality. Ive been so depressed the last few days and i have noone to speak to, because noone knows he even exists. Ive started contemplating telling my friends about my sexuality, but i dread telling my parents and telling alot of my guy friends. Even if i did come out i wont even know where to start when looking for someone, i dont think i could handle the whole gay nightclub situation. Just fed up of being single and want someone.
just take it easy, someone will come to you eventually, and when they do, and if they truly love you, they'll stick by you no matter what, that guy's waiting out there try not to think about it that much, try to keep your mind of it, and when it comes, it'll be an amazing feeling
Hi there - and welcome to EC. Based on your situation, you've come to the right place! Congrats! Just hang out here for a while. When I did that, I got WAY more comfortable with the thought of me being gay. It didn't stress me out to admit at least to myself that I was gay. And when you can do that, then you're in a better position to contemplate coming out to other people. As an outsider looking in, I find it a little funny that you don't have any idea how you'd ever meet someone if you were gay. Even though you met someone while you still weren't sure you were gay, and you were obviously totally closetted. So I'd say you can relax about that - because it isn't as hard as you think. Gay bars aren't you're only option. In fact, most people will tell you that it's one of the least likely places to actually find a boyfriend... Good luck, and welcome again. I think you'll find this forum really helpful. Good luck!
Thanks for the advice, thankfully i seem to be slowly getting over him, but still in the same situation as whether or not to discuss the events with a close friend or not. I feel like i just need one person to confide in.
