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Should i come out to more people

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by TheBiGuy410, Jan 12, 2017.

  1. TheBiGuy410

    TheBiGuy410 Guest

    Im in grade 11 and i know that i am Bisexual. I've already come out to the only gay gay i know because I've known hime for my whole life and he came out about a year and a half ago. I want to come out to more people but i just don't know how to it because i dont seem bi and most people think im one of the staightest guys in the school so I'm worried about what they will thing. Also my close group of friends are all guys and they make gay jokes and use the word gay as more of a derogatory term. Im worried that they wont talk to me anymore if i come out. What should i do.
     
  2. IceCream

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    A lot of people don't fit the stereotype of what an LGBT person should look like, so people's reactions may be ones of surprise at first, but equally they might not, you never know. I'd start with telling close friends first if you're worried.

    Regarding your friends, have you ever confronted them about using gay as a pejorative? You could say it bothers you, and if they ask why say it's because you're bisexual... that's one way of coming out! Does the gay guy go to your school? If so, what do your friends think about him being gay? Does it bother them? If they're just being "lads" and joking around (not that it excuses the behaviour but you know what I mean) then I think there's a strong chance that in reality they will have no issue with you being bisexual. If any of them do, they weren't that good friends to start with. Hope this helps at all! :slight_smile:
     
  3. TheBiGuy410

    TheBiGuy410 Guest

    Thanks for the reply! Yes the gay guy goes to my school but he also suffers depression and is bipolar so he doesn't hang out with many people but nobody that I know has a problem with him being gay, he also goes to the same dance academy that I do and everybody there is really accepting of him. Also when my friends use the word gay they hardly ever use it as if they are homophobic, they use it in place of "stupid" or "lame" so they probably wouldn't have a problem with it, but none of them keep secrets very well.
     
  4. AgenderMoose

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    Mmm...I can see where there'd be an issue. Go at your own pace. Don't feel like you have to come out, just come out when you want to. IceCream nailed it by saying if they have a problem with you based on your sexuality, they probably weren't that great of friends anyway.

    Hopefully they'll be fine with it. If your gay friend doesn't seem to face any discrimination from the group, then I think you'll be alright. It's good to be in an environment you know you can trust. Best of luck.
     
  5. TheBiGuy410

    TheBiGuy410 Guest

    Thanks, my school also has the whole "Gay Straight Alliance" thing so that's a plus
     
  6. IceCream

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    If you wanted to test the waters with your friends, you could say (in person/via text/ via owl/ whatever) 'hey so what do you think of gayguy'sname being gay?' If they shrug and say it doesn't bother them then you know that you being bi won't change the friendship at all!

    You mention that none of them keep secrets well, are you worried that news of you being bi could be spread to people who are less accepting? You can't control their reactions so I'd try not to worry about it, easier said than done I know! If they give you grief over your orientation just know it's their problem, not yours. I think overall it sounds like you're ready to come out to your friends, so go for it :slight_smile:

    ---------- Post added 13th Jan 2017 at 08:59 AM ----------

    Oooh, definitely join the GSA if it's any good! Think of all the new friends you could make (and the, uh, possible relationship material :grin:)
     
  7. TheBiGuy410

    TheBiGuy410 Guest

    Thanks for the support! I'll give it a shot sometime soon.

    ---------- Post added 13th Jan 2017 at 02:04 AM ----------

    Haha, will do
     
  8. Lostboy87

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    I can totally understand where you are coming from, grade 11 is still really young so don't worry if you don't come out just yet. If you feel you are ready then obviously go for it!

    Sometimes you need a new environment to feel like you can be yourself as you have known these people for such a long time that they may feel confused but like someone said before that's not your issue!

    I personally felt the same, I just didn't trust anyone enough to come out as everyone has a big mouth and when your in school the bubble is soo small it's scary to 'ruin it'

    I was too scared to come out at school and have only just managed to do it at the age of 29! But I do feel like I left it too late and know am finding it hard to know who I am and what I want.

    But when I did tell people I realised everyone is too busy dealing with their own issues to actually care. Know one actually cares (in a good way)

    My advice is don't rush just do what feels right. I came out thinking it will solve all my issues but I'm still confused as hell and lost but now I can talk to people about why i feel confused and lost.

    Also gay is another work for lame and stupid so don't take it too personally.
     
  9. TravelerMe

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    I really agree with lostboy 87; you'll know when you're ready. No need to rush things but just weigh out all the possibilities. Take a look at your life a year from now as if you came out and look back at what happened after you did it.

    You have some resources as in here on EC, those you are out to already and maybe seek out a counselor. Just keep talking and posting until you are truly comfortable. Also, you'll be finishing school and moving on to something else not too long from now; maybe a way to have a fresh start and be out from the get go at a new job or school.
     
  10. TheBiGuy410

    TheBiGuy410 Guest

    Thanks for the advice, it really helps a lot! :slight_smile: