I AM FINALLY OUT AND HOLY JESUS SWEET FUCKING CHRIST DO I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER! My anxiety dropped so much, I can't believe it. I didn't realize it but I had gotten so bad, I forgot what manageable, average nervousness felt like! I was starting to think heart palpitations and the world's weakest stomach were normal. There's still more that needs to be said, the conversation has really only just begun, but I'm just so relieved that it's out there!
Family now. With the exception of extended relatives I only see twice a year, everyone knows. The one frustrating thing is that they don't really understand, and it's a bit annoying - I'm trying to get them past thinking I'm a girl that "wants to be a boy", and to see it as I'm a boy that happens to have been born female. I'm trying to be patient, because I know how long it took me to figure things out. But it isn't really easy to explain gender, especially coming from a non-conforming perspective. I keep thinking "everything would be easier if I was cis" or "if I was just more masculine, they'd get it..." but I am the way I am, and there's no changing that. I can't say why I feel like I'm in drag when I wear women's clothes, or why being seen as a girlish boy is preferable to being seen as a boyish girl. It's just how I'm wired, I guess.
