Hi Guys I have finally had the courage/time to write my first post! A quick background, I'm in my late 20s living in A large cosmopolitan city, have a large family with traditional parents but liberal siblings. 2016 has been a crazy crazy year for me. I was in denial about being gay my whole life and this year I finally woke up and realised I'm just ruining my life. I was with a nice girl but we didn't click and we were making plans to get married when i realised I can't actually ruin somebody's life just because I'm being a coward and not facing up to my sexuality. I broke it off with her (not telling her the truth, which still haunts me but if I tell her, she will go to my parents and it will all be a mess.) So once I did that I went into therapy to try and work everything out and just have somebody to talk to. At this time I hadn't told a single person that was a part of my life, I had obviously had casual fun with random guys from random apps, but it wasn't just part of my life, it was kind of something that I did, then regretted then done again. While I was growing up I was camp but as I grew up it wasn't a big deal people knew me For me and assumed I was straight as I was straight, I even had a few great long term relationships with girl and some that I'm sure I was in love with, but when I look back I always had to try extra hard when fooling around with girls and it was hard work. So around Xmas this year I spoke with some of my friends and have told my siblings that I am gay, they are proud that I'm dealing with it and sad that I have to go through this. Everybody has been really supportive and great. Im not looking to tell my parents as they are backwards and won't understand or want to understand. I'm still sad that I'm not straight, it's not fair. But I felt I would feel a sense of relief and settlement in my mind if I opened up to my friends and family but I feel the same. I feel unsettled and anxious. I just don't know what I should be doing? Where do I go from here? Any advice would be great!
Hey Lostboy87, What you are going through is completely normal. You are not alone! Wishing you were straight and feeling like you’d give or do almost anything if you could only be straight is something that most of us in the LGBTQ community experience at some time in our lives, often in the Coming Out process. And when we truly realize and understand that we can’t change this about ourselves, it can lead to a feeling of despair. This is part of the grieving process. Most of us grow up being taught, whether through religious doctrine or just what society basically deems ‘normal’ that homosexuality is an aberration. When we start to realize that we are not ‘normal’ based on those influences, we might start to lose part of our confidence and our self-worth. We might feel that we are letting our parents and those we love down. But, of course, this isn’t true. We don’t choose our sexuality. We are who we were born to be and the way to deal with that is to live our lives being the best people we can possibly be. There are 5 steps to the grieving process. First comes Denial: in this case, “no, I’m not gay.” Next comes Anger: “I hate this and I hate myself! Why can’t I just be ‘normal’ like most other people? Why ME!?!” Then comes Bargaining: “So, maybe I’m gay, but then again maybe I’m bisexual. But, no I’m certain I’m gay. Or am I…?” After that comes Depression: “I want to be ‘normal.’ I wish I was heterosexual. This sucks and I don’t think I could ever really live life as a homosexual. I know I can’t face my parents. I don’t even want to face society. I’m just going to hide somewhere until it goes away. Why did I have to be the victim of this cruel joke?” Until, finally, there is Acceptance: “Hmm… Maybe this isn’t as bad as I thought. Maybe I can accept my homosexuality, my same-sex attractions. And you, know what? My sexuality is just a part of who I am, but it doesn’t define who I am. I am going to be the person I was born to be and I will do amazing things with my life!” The steps don’t always occur for any given person in that order and people sometimes go back and forth among the steps. I hope some of that helps!
