We're both 25 and have been friends for several years. She's openly gay and has been her whole life. We have made out a number of times and got close to hooking up - but it was only while we were both drunk (I always told myself that was why) Now, it's a few years later and I find myself fantasizing about kissing her in public and holding her hand in the car..telling her I'm in love with her. She's the only girl I've ever felt this way about. My whole life I've only dated guys - having 2 serious relationships, one of which, he and I discussed marriage. I've always felt like I didn't belong anywhere. In high school while all my friends were doing feminine things like using makeup and kissing boys, having heterosexual relationships..I was a solid "tomgirl." I legitimately love my best friend. She's whom I spend my free time with usually. I know everybody can see that she's in love with me. I just know that if I tell her how I'm feeling ... everything will change. Not just between us - everyone will see me differently. I'm not saying that's a bad thing, but what if things don't work out and I'm in fact not interested in her romantically? Then I've just ruined things between us. I don't know if I can lose her. I honestly don't know what to do.
I agree you should tell her. It can turn into a wonderful thing. Yes, having a relationship and breaking up could ruin the friendship, but honestly being friends with benefits and hook-ups can even ruin friendships too, but a lot of people don't let that stop them. In the latter example, someone could catch feelings, or they might not but get a significant other who doesn't want them talking to someone they used to sleep with. It happens. You shouldn't let those kind of fears stop you. Maybe she won't feel the same way and then the friendship will be back to normal, but maybe you will and will experience something amazing.
You mentioned you're scared of the potential consequences of telling this girl how you feel, but you're only looking at one side of the equation. It's entirely possible that telling her will improve your relationship and could potentially lead to something substantial. You don't need to worry about other people thinking differently about you yet -- there's really no need to tell the whole world at this point, just your friend. If you end up together or feel like you need to tell people that you're not straight, deal with it then -- don't overwhelm yourself by feeling like you have to do everything all at once. You're afraid of what might happen if you talk to this girl about your feelings, but what happens if you don't? There have only been a few people in my life I've ever really liked and although none of them have ever had any interest in me, I've always told them how I felt and have never regretted it for a second. It's usually enabled me to get closer to them (albeit on a platonic level) and most importantly I don't feel the constant, crippling doubt of wondering what might have happened had I only had a bit more courage. Even in the worst case scenario (which I think is unlikely given what you've written), I think you'll feel better in the long run knowing you took a chance on someone that means a great deal to you.
I say tell her how you feel. If you guys are as close as you say you are she already has a good idea about how you feel and maybe waiting on you to make a move. Beats never knowing...good luck!
Thank you so much. I always tend to overthink things. So, first things first I guess! A leap of faith
I'm legitimately terrified! I was gonna tell her the other night but I got so scared I almost had a panic attack. I have anxiety and I've always found talking about important things somewhat difficult. Would it be so bad if I told her in a message? Ugh
Yes messages seem to be the way a lot of people go. If she is gay, she understands the feeling pretty well I would think. I do think in person is better, but do what you can. From the sound of it, the signs are going your way. Good luck!
SO GUYS last night she was messaging me while she was drunk - continuing to tell me that I'm her best friend and that she loves me. Today I picked her up and we went for a drive. I told her. I told her I've been thinking about her for weeks. That she's been my bestfriend for over 7 years and I love her. We spent the rest of the day hand in hand. I still get incredibly nervous around her! I don't know how to act. I guess I'll just figure it out as I go..
