So I'm new to the site (seriously, I just registered like five seconds ago) but I've been looking at the site for a while now. Okay so anyways, most people are gonna be like "oh another noob who wants to come out but is so scared to do so, like we haven't seen this before". Well this is different, a little. By the way this is gonna be like...epic long...I think? So I have one best friend. We tell each other everything. One day we were at this little creek thing and he was joking around about something. Finally it just came out, I said I was gay. He started denying it...then I told him I was just kidding. He thinks I was. But I mean you had to see his reaction. He completely turned around and walked off and was saying crap like this is not true. So we completely just forgot about it... Well recently I think it's starting to become more of a reality to him. I think he has finally started to realize I am. I asked him what would he do if I was gay. He said we would be friends but he wouldn't sit close to me. I'm about to burst now. I feel like I have to tell him, I mean he his my best friend. Just, I don't want things to be weird between us. Today freaked him out a bit (that's a whole other story that probably isn't appropriate for this...xD). But the thing is, I'm not looking to be in a relationship with him, just I want to tell him. I feel like I'm leading a lie...
Aw... sorry to hear about that. I know a couple friends who have distanced themselves from me because of my sexual orientation too. It sucks but I understand why Ig uess... And if they're not true friends(and you're not intersted in them) then they'll abandon you (possibly because of their beliefs as well). If he's a truefriend, he'll stick around and maybe just distance himself till he realizes you'll only hit on guys you know are bi or figure are bi or gay.
I wish I would have told my friend back in the day. He would have probably punched me but I would have been at peace with myself. It took you a while to get used to being gay, give him time, its gonna take him a while to accept it.
Well if you decide to come out to him, make it very clear you have no feelings for him. Let him know you view him as a brother, not a boyfriend. Any clue how he might already know? Besides your not so subtle hints... lol
Yeah, first reactions are different once the person has thought and processed it all. Once he knows, he'l, see that actually you havent changed one bit from the friend he knows. Oh, and no-one will think 'oh another newb, coming out" Feel free to talk about anything!
Welcome to EC! (*hug*) Would you and he feel comfortable sitting down and having a one-on-one talk about everything? If not, a letter would probably be a really good way of telling him what's on your mind. Either way, there are some things that are probably really important for him to know, that you'd want to include: "I'm not interested in a relationship with you, so don't worry, I'm not going to do anything you're not comfortable with." "I know I'm not going through a phase or just confused or anything like that. I went back on what I told you before because your reaction scared me, and I was really afraid of losing you, but I was sure then and I'm sure now." "I'm still the same person you're best friends with (possibly insert an anecdote about your friendship here), I'm just being more honest with you now." "I'm telling you this because I really trust you, you're the only person I've trusted enough to tell so far." "I'm not expecting you to totally understand it straight away, but I'd really like you to do a bit of thinking about what I've told you."
I think Kramer and Maddy (firecausesburns) pretty well nailed it. Make it clear to him that, because your friendship means a lot to you that you want to be open with him - that you trust him and want to retain his friendship. Also make him very aware that 'friends' is all you want the relationship to be.
Welcome to EC! That was easily the shortest epic long post I've ever read. And do take comfort from the "oh another noob who wants to come out but is so scared to do so, like we haven't seen this before". Because it means we've all been there. You may feel lost, but these aren't uncharted waters. Many of us have been there. Honestly, I don't think your friend suspects. He knows. You've told him, even if you recanted a bit later when he freaked (froke?) out. And then you asked how he'd respond if he knew you were gay. I think he now knows. So I don't think a "heart-to-heart" talk is really necessary at this stage. Later, you may need one, but not now. So what to do now? Get back to being his friend. See, homophobes are homophobic because they equate "gays" with some nebulous "them". A group of people that (they think) they'll never interact with. By giving him an additional bit of information - "parker is gay" - you're in essence fucking with his head. He's faced with two incompatible pieces of information - "gays are these hateable other people" and "parker is gay". One of two things has to happen now. Either he's going to lump you in with the "hateable other people" (which he sounds like he's trying to do, but not quite succeeding), or that belief is going to fall by the wayside (which, of course, is what you want). So keep being his friend. Don't fake anything, mind you - don't feel you have to "act straight" or anything along those lines. Just be yourself, and be a good friend to him. And then that belief will have no choice but to crumble like a sandcastle in a rainstorm. Lex
Thanks for what you guys said. I have been planning on telling him today but I'm still not sure if I will or not. I'll tell you guys what he says.
hope it goes well! and if it doesnt, tell him to chill the fuck out- u only want his friendship, not his body/love.
