I've been struggling with coming out for a while now. I can be a bit of a loner i'm pretty quiet. For a while I've thought I should just not date and stay in the closet. None of my friends or family know I am gay. A few years ago I decided I really don't want to stay in the closet because it is quite lonely. But I'm having such a tough time actually coming out. Over the past 3 years I've made a couple of online dating profiles. First on *******. Met someone through there we really just didn't connect first time meeting so I deleted my profile after that. A year later I made a HER account. I really like the app in that it's easier to start chats with other girls and only girls are on there. I thought maybe if I could just make other lesbian friends, to hang out with, it would make coming out a little easier. But it's just not been so easy. I've chatted with many but most on the app I think are just there to chat for a few days then never talk to you again. I've met 4 girls in real life but after meeting me in person they quit texting me. I've thought about just telling my friends that I like girls but after having such a hard time meeting other lesbians I am not sure if I see a point in coming out to anyone yet. I just would really like to make lesbian friends but I haven't had any successes just yet. None of my family live in my city. So I wouldn't mind starting out being out to everyone here but what is the point in being out if I can't make other lesbian friends. It has brought me such sadness. I feel like such an idiot. I'm so tired of this occupying my thoughts. ---------- Post added 17th Jan 2017 at 03:13 PM ---------- Anyway... in this mindless ramble I forgot to say. Anyone have advice? Similar past or current experiences?
Don't be discouraged! A lot of people don't have luck on dating sites while they do have luck IRL. Some suggestions: •Create a fake Facebook and join LGBT groups in your area. Add LGBT people in your area. Start making connections. •Depending on your age visit gay bars in your area if you see someone you know, changes are they're gay or a straight/gay ally. •Join your local LGBT Pride group or attend pride events- parades, meetings, etc. •If you want to come out to your friends, I say do it if you're comfortable. Maybe they know some LGBT people that you don't. Good luck!
Lesbians can appear to be very elusive, at least in my opinion, and I have way more gay male friends than gay female friends. I have like one close friend who is a lesbian and then a few other less close friends/acquaintances, but I only found out that they were also gay after they got into relationships. All the lesbians I know in real life seem to surface in this way; when they are in relationships. Online it is SUPER hard to get someone to hold a conversation so I feel your pain. Even on an app like HER, people tend to "ghost" after a few days of messaging. Once, I was supposed to go on a coffee date with a girl I met on HER but then get this, SHE DIDNT SHOW UP. She told me later that she accidentally fell asleep but she didn't offer to reschedule so I didn't bother. I have been on other dating apps as well with similar results, but every once in a while, there's a diamond in the ruff! So don't lose hope! It took me awhile but I've found that gay women do actually exist in the real world, and there a more than you think! I know that it can sometimes feel like there's nobody out there but that feeling doesn't last forever. Best of luck to you
Thanks for the responses and encouragement. I do have a friend I think I will tell soon. It's 2017 and I'm 25. It's getting pathetic. Best of luck to you guys as well.
I'm just a guy but I can give some perspective. In the best of situations, your online dating "batting average" will be astoundingly low. I mean incredibly low. Like CatsAreCool said. That's just how it is when there are so many fish in the sea. (To name one app.) Now it sounds pretty bleak to say "Most people are so mean/rude/not into me" but still I wouldn't give up on HER so quickly. It's one thing to not be out, but to avoid dating in order to stay in sounds just too lonely.
Hey I totally get how tough it is to come out when you are single. How do you think your friends would react? Are they generally LGBT friendly?
My friends are generally lgbt friendly. Pretty much all of my close friends I've known since high school. I don't know why I can't just say it. I really don't think my close friends would care at all. I know my family would be extremely upset to hear. I don't know why I can't just say it. I've been keeping it in since I was 13 really. I'm 25 now. I don't know why I've done this to myself. I recently downloaded HER again.. Staying in the closet really is so lonely. I moved to a new city a few years ago and it's been especially lonely lately.
Sometimes we just aren't ready. Maybe in the past you haven't been ready but now you are and when you look back at it you may wonder why you didn't but at the time it was the right thing to do. If you think they will be supportive then maybe you can pick one or two out and talk to them. It's scary and can be daunting to come out so don't be too hard on yourself.
I've used HER in the past, and most of the girls also disappeared- a complete waste of time. Have you tried finding lesbian/bi Meetup groups in your area, or looked for local queer women's social groups online? I've found these sorts of groups a lot more low key- and you get to know other people more organically.
I've looked them up and joined one I've but noticed all of the ladies listed were 50+ I should give it another try. I'm sure there's one where they're not all older women.
