Some conversations with my counselor keep bothering me. During the time I was seeing her reqularly she regularly asked me why I felt the need to come out. Some of this may be her style as she asks a lot of questions so that you have to vebalize the answer out loud. She repeated it almost every session. To the point where I got a bit irritated with answering again. She also pointed out that I might loose the family I have left in my life, it could cause me financial difficulties with out a family to fall back on, and that people just don't "get" bisexuality yet. These things are all true, and I already knew them before I made my decision. Lately when I start to get anxiety about coming out these conversations come back to me pretty vividly. Especially the parts where she asked me each time I saw her why I felt the need to come out. I think it chipped away at my confidence. Has anyone else ever gone through this with a counselor?
She might just be asking you to see how she can give advice, and may bring up the thing about your family as a warning sign for you to go forward. Or.....she might just be a shitty therapist, as I've had many of those. I can see why it could get annoying why she keeps asking the same question though. Maybe confront her.
I don't think it's a therapist's job to encourage or discourage you from coming out. I think the question to you may be designed to get you to be able to have a real understanding of your own motivations. Why do you want to come out, or why do you feel the need to come out? You may be seeing this as a negative question but I see it as her attempt to get you to KNOW your own reasons before deciding to do it. By the time I started seeing a therapist, I had already come out, so it wasn't an issue for me. If you feel like your therapist is trying to hold you back, ask yourself why. Is it because this therapist is a bad therapist, or does she think you're not ready? You should ask her.
I'm really sorry you had to deal with this. It is not something anyone should ever experience in therapy. If the situation is as you described it, your therapist was grossly inappropriate. It would *never* be appropriate for a therapist to question a client's decision in a situation like this. What she did amounts to advice giving, which is not the place of a therapist to do. It is especially inappropriate that she asked you the same question, and essentially argued with you, multiple times. If you are still seeing the therapist, I would have a pretty serious conversation with her, and tell her that you believe that she is imposing her values and beliefs on you, which is never appropriate, and that it needs to stop immediately. To be honest, a therapist whose boundaries are that bad is not one I would continue to see. If you are no longer seeing her, it might be worthwhile to send her an email and share your feelings. A good therapist will appreciate the insight and think about and learn from your feedback. Whether she responds positively or not, at least you've shared your feelings.
I honestly don't know if she was trying to help me come to a realization or something by asking repeatedly, or if she was trying to influence me because she feels bisexuals are less likely to find acceptance. Sometimes I'm bad at reading peoples intent. I don't think she is a bad person, and she was trying to help/ be supportive, but I don't think I'll see her agian. Writing this out here gave me perspective on how much it bothered me. I was really seeking acceptance and support in therapy to prepare for what I know is going to be a very difficult time. Acceptance isn't the feeling I walked away with.
