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In the middle.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by JT, Apr 10, 2009.

  1. JT

    JT
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    Like, honestly? I don't know what to do mannnnn....

    Here's the deal. Me and Kyle (the kid that was out of my league from way back when), have been really getting close. Like... attached at the hip. But, he has a boyfriend.

    I don't know their relationship that well, but Kyle's boyfriend really seems to neglect him. They hardly talk, let alone spend time with one another even though Kyle wants that. They fight all the time. At least from what I see when Kyle forwards me things and eye-witnessing such events.

    Regardless, Kyle and I have been hanging out on the daily. I visit him at work on his break almost everyday since we work in the same building. Then we meet up right after he gets out of work, more often than not. And last night, after a party I slept over at his apartment. We were in the same bed but nothing happened. I won't let that happen.

    I don't want to be that guy and tear down this already deteriorating relationship, but it seems to be shaping up like that. Kyle's been forwarding me messages today from his boyfriend accusing Kyle of cheating. .. but, ironically, his boyfriend's the one that's distant and shady. Kyle tells him every time that we hang out.

    soo. If you were in my shoes, would you continue what you're doing or would you back off?
     
  2. Sexiross

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    I would just get into a more boundry state. Like not sleeping over his house and in the same
    bed. Evrything else is perfectly ok! To me.... that relationship isnt going to last. And maybe you guys will hook up. My suggestion for you is not put yourself in a spot that would make you feel guilty after ward!
     
  3. Alex19

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    um, if their relationship is that shitty, tell Kyle to break up with his 'bf'. and its not like your doing anything, so u have nothing to feel guilty for. i say keep seeing him. but sleeping over at his place and in the same bed is a little shady... even if nothing happened. after they break up, then sleep over all u want. but until that happens, id say to be careful on your actions- u dont to put up with his 'bf' if he targets u with any aggresion.
     
  4. SAGUY84

    SAGUY84 Guest

    You should back off, and let the relationship end itself. From what you've said, it wont be long anyway.

    Then kyle can decide if he wants a relationship with you!
     
  5. JT

    JT
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    I was never imposing, or putting thoughts in Kyle's head to break up with his (now ex-)boyfriend. I was just simply spending a lot of time with him. Obviously I can see why there would be concern, but there's a give and take in relationships.

    Mine, and your guys' predictions were correct. Not 2 hours after I posted this did they break things off.

    Even after things have ended between them, me and Kyle have been hanging out, but still as friends. I don't know what I necessarily want. Because I like (love) having him as a friend, and if a relationship were to develop, and go sour, chances are I'd lose him for good. Or for a very long period of time. And I certainly am not pushing him. I'm letting him deal with this breakup how he wants. And if he wants me, he can make that clear.

    Just thought I'd say my peace on that topic. Thanks for your input
     
  6. SAGUY84

    SAGUY84 Guest

    Well things seem like they worked out the best for him.
     
  7. Mickey

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    I'd say give him time to get over his ex. Just be there,as a friend. If things are meant to be,they WILL be.
     
  8. Lexington

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    Are you interested in taking it further? I mean, maybe not right this second, but once he's somewhat over the ex? Or are you concerned about where it might lead? If you ARE interested, I honestly don't think it'd hurt to let him know that. Make it very clear that you respect that he just got out of a relationship, but that you'd be interested in being in a relationship with him whenever he feels he's ready for another one.

    Lex
     
  9. JT

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    Okay, well, Lex. I'm sure you know I always look forward to the potential insight that you give in threads. They've been extremely helpful and right on in the past so, here goes.

    I don't really know. I mean, I've known him for quite some time, but we'd had a falling out. I posted a thread a while ago about us reconnecting. But at that point it wasn't what I'd expected. He'd come visit me at work and came on stronger than just strong. "Let's go to the bathroom and 'i'll take it". I think he was joking because he "likes to be flirty with friends".

    Although one of our conversations got pretty heavy while he was still dating said ex-boyfriend. Something to the effect of if so-and-so wasn't in the picture than he'd hook up with me.

    I didn't want that. I told him I wasn't going to be a shallow fuck and that I wanted it to be something special. After that, we set up some boundaries, which of course included no cheating onthe BF.

    But now that BF is out of the picture, we've become REALLY close, and yes, I would like to take it further. It's just too soon. I can't be sure that he wants relationship with me, but he's worth the wait.

    He stayed faithful to his boyfriend at the time, so that shows a lot of restraint on his part because before those boundaries were set, he was sending me all sorts of sexual text messages.

    Today I was kinda worried about what was going on between us. Because yesterday we were laying in his bed and I gave him a message, at his request. But, today, things seemed awkward. Granted it was Easter and it was the only day in a week and a half we hadn't seeneach other. He just seemed kind of standoffish. False alarm maybe because he asked me to hang out tomorrow night.

    It seems that everything I do around this kid or regarding him has me second guessing myself.
     
  10. Lexington

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    Well, was he faithful because he respects his boyfriends? Or was he faithful because you demanded he be so? Say you weren't quite that respectful of the boyfriend thing. Not necessarily coming on to this guy actively, but would be willing to fool around with a guy who has a boyfriend. Would anything have happened?

    I ask because it's a danger sign. I understand that relationships can go south, and be beyond repair. But that's when you end them. You don't flirt heavily with your friends. And (another red flag) you don't forward your arguments on to third parties. Yes, you go to friend for advice and support, and you can say "K's being a dick about stuff again". But you don't copy and paste your fights with other people. At least, not in the gargoyle's realm.

    Personally, I'd proceed with caution. He might be a great guy otherwise, but make sure you don't fall for the idealized version of him. Because it might be a good feeling to be the new guy in his life, but eventually the new guy becomes the old guy, and you may need to think about how you'd feel about having your arguments forwarded to some new guy he's flirting with...

    Lex
     
  11. JT

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    Good point, Lex. I'm not sure if he didn't cheat on his boyfriend out of respect, or before I said I wouldn't let him cheat on his boyfriend, with me at least. But It's not like I spelled out the boundaries. He's the one at first that said "I would fool around with you if so and so wasn't in the picture". That's not verbatum, but the jist.

    The forwarding of arguments wasn't really anything big. He wasn't trying to give me insight as to what was going on the fight, but just showing me how hypocritical his boyfriend was being. But no, I wouldn't want that to happen to me.

    I am treading carefully