I've been thinking about finally coming out to my parents. Though I plan on doing it without actually saying anything. My plan is pretty much to just start a conversation with them and then probably tell them that there's something I need to tell them and then just hand them a note that says something along the lines of, "I'm gay". I don't really know how good of plan of this is or if I should go about it another way. What do you guys think?
I think that's a good idea, especially if you feel it will work for you! I got really nervous when coming out to my mom and couldn't manage to get it out of my mouth so I wrote it down and threw it in her direction then ran. I wouldn't recommend the throwing or running... but the note part is definitely fine
Wolfwing, I know a lot of people go that route, just saying "I'm gay". I think it is concise and, after all the energy and emotions it takes just to say those two words, it almost seems easier than a big explanation. Only you will know what is best for you. The only thing I think you should consider is their stance on homosexuality--are they Christian, conservative, raised to be homophobic, have bad examples of or experiences with gay people...? I say this because some people I've told who have taken it badly were raised to believe it was a sin and others had a lack of understanding about gay people due to their upbringing. So my only concern is that sometimes when a parent just hears: "I'm gay" they freak out thinking you have adopted "the lifestyle" and are having a bunch of sex or they fear you will end up in danger and will be worried for how people will treat you. My advice would be to collect a little data. What are their religious beliefs? What do you remember them saying about gay people? Do they know anyone who is gay? If they are more open-minded, saying, "I'm gay" and then letting them process and ask questions will probably be just fine! However, if you have doubts about how they will react and you want to calm their fears before they are projected onto you, maybe try writing your story--when you knew you were gay, how it has affected you in a bad way and how it has made you a better person, how you want to be honest with them and help them understand... If you aren't a writer, you could find a coming out video/article/blog that is similar to your experience and send it to them to have them view together and be there to explain things once they are done. Again, only you will know how to tell your truth. We never know how people will react in the end, but do your best and I hope it goes well. Keep us posted
hey Wolfwing! I agree with Rainbowkitten27. Although you may be confident that your parents can handle it, some precaution could never hurt. Even parents who are for LGBT rights could have a hard time accepting that their child is gay. Just remember to be patient with them and good luck!! Phoenix
Hey Wolfwing! You've gotten a lot of very good advice above. I would just add that you might want to consider telling them that you have some "very personal and private information" about yourself that you want to tell them, prior to handing them the note. That would set the tone as very serious - so that they won't think you might just be making a joke - and also underscore that what you are telling them is something that you expect them not to share with others unless you o.k. it.... Just a thought.
My parents are moderate christians and while not being extremely anti gay, they've made it known they don't agree the 'gay lifestyle'. I know because both of them don't agree with gay marriage and my dad has even said homophobic things, such as one time he was watching tv and there was a gay couple and he just randomly straight up out of nowhere that he didn't agree with that. Though despite this, I doubt that they would do something extreme such as kick me out and they can't send me to any sort of 'reparative therapy' since we live in california, one of the few states that has outright banned it.
Wolfwing, Sounds like my parents! My step-dad actually stopped saying homophobic things and, after 8 years of being strangers, we now have a relationship because I trusted him. However, my mom and I were like best friends but it has really hurt to have her tell me this isn't of God and I can't be gay and Christian. I got in huge trouble the other day when my brother mentioned how the "Sodom and Gomorrah types" were dancing in front of Mike Pence's house because he believes gay people can turn straight with therapy. He said it like he agreed it is true and couldn't believe the gays were being so belligerent against getting help. I calmly and quietly said, "That's because reparative therapy sometimes uses shock treatment" and no one talked to me for 2 days until I apologized! So while it feels good to have the secret out, realize that it could go either way. It is better that my mom does watch herself and is not so homophobic, but she is still very vocal against the "gay agenda" and thinks therapy will fix me. So it's bittersweet in a way to be honest but not fully accepted. But I know many people who are in the same boat where their families love them but don't agree with them. If my mom shows me a picture on Facebook of two women getting married and comments on how "weird" it looks, it's better than her calling me names and kicking me out. She really does believe being gay is not good for me and wants me to be right with God, so I am grateful she thinks that way rather than just hating me. It could be better but isn't the worst; you take what you can get, you know? Anyway, I hope it goes well for you. Please do it in your own time your own way. All I suggest is to be calm because I see how being defensive about your sexuality makes Christians all the more certain you are in rebellion or hate God. Be calm even if you hear horrible things--they have a right to their opinions and they can even change over time. I know my mom is still in shock that her daughter, who grew up loving and still loves Jesus, is gay because she was told that isn't possible, that gay people turn from God and do bad things, etc. So be prepared and, if you can, maybe look into some resources like Mark Yarhouse, Justin Lee and Matthew Vines who all give different perspectives on sexuality and Christianity to help them better understand. Sometimes parents hate gays because they see them as stereotypes, but when their own kid's face is in place of that caricature, they realize being gay isn't what they thought and they have to unravel years of propaganda. It takes time but give it to them because you have had time to figure this out. I'm hoping the best for you. Please keep us posted if you can
