Need advice on my coming out letter.

So I've been writing a coming out letter for my Dad, whom I will be living with in a few short months, and i'd just like to get some feedback+constructive criticism on my First Draft. Also, it is quite long, my apologies, and I do plan on hand writing this so that's gonna suck(my hand is already hating me).

Few things of note, my starting the letter with "Dear Dad," is quite significant as I never call him Dad, due to the combination of being raised by my ex-stepdad to whom I referred to as Dad(I don't anymore), as well as my aspergers making it nearly impossible for me to say the word for some reason, not the only word that happens with but that's another topic for another time. This letter was based off one I found online plus one I had written previously. And yes, EC is the LGBT forum I refer to.

My main concerns; Is my letter to intense? I want the letter to sound firm, but not aggressive, did I achieve that? Should I tone it down a bit? Is it too long? Is it not long enough? Is any of it good or should I completely rewrite it? Should I include a bit about what i'm changing my name to so that i can end it With 'Sincerely, your daughter, Sydney' instead? Did I explain anything badly? Is it any good?:help:

 

Thank you so much! Definitely gonna wait for the name reveal, after thinking it through I feel as though that is something that should be done in person.

 

Update:
The letter is mostly the same, I just restructured it a bit so that it looks more like an actual letter. Though I still cannot for the life of me figure out how to indent paragraphs on here.

Spoiler

Dear Dad,


It has no doubt taken me days if not weeks to get this letter as close as possible to what I need it to say. This is because what I have to tell you might be confusing, perhaps even upsetting at first, but I assure you most of your initial questions/concerns should be answered/addressed. Of course, I couldn't possibly fathom every question you may have, there are also other questions/concerns you will have that simply cannot be covered in the scope of this letter. As soon as I return you may feel free to ask any of those questions/concerns I have not answered/addressed here.


So without further ado, the reason I am taking so much care in putting this letter together is to explain with the greatest degree of accuracy is that I am Transgender.


This isn't a very shocking thought to myself, though for you it is probably quite jarring, unless of course I have just confirmed any suspicions you may have had. If not! I shall explain myself. Throughout all my life, I have felt something was off. And I do mean all of my life, well, at least as far back as my memories will take me. I didn’t always know what the feeling was, I only found out what exactly I was feeling in September of 2014. Before I knew though, I assumed I was just depressed because the world I expected and desired did not sync up with what was happening to and around me. Me being trans is biological, meaning it’s not anybodies fault, especially not yours, it was most likely caused by some abnormality during fetal formation due to an incorrect mixture of hormones in my mother’s womb. Though it ultimately doesn’t matter why this happened, it did, there’s no going back.



Imagine for a second here what that would be like. Imagine you, in the opposite body, and unable to do anything about it. You see the world as a guy, but have to live as a girl, pushed along by societal current, tradition, and bare survival instinct into positions and identities that are increasingly uncomfortable to you, unpalatable to you. Everything about your existence is laced with lies, and it feels like there’s nothing that you can do about it. This is how it is for me. This is how it’s always been for me. If you’ve always seen me as a fairly masculine fellow, then I guess it just means I’m a good faker. I’m sorry if this makes you feel betrayed, or wronged. That was never my intention.


It was around age thirteen had some inkling of what felt off about my world, but I figured there was nothing I could ever do about it. That I would just have to learn to live with the feeling of wrongness. Then, as I mentioned above, I finally learned that there was a name for what I was feeling, that I wasn’t alone. And for once I felt hope, hope that would ultimately save my life as I was fully intent on ending it in December of 2014. However, with this new information at my disposal, I had a renewed lease on life. Though my burst of hope was nearly extinguished as the first person I had intended on telling about my being trans made some very telling statements, ones that suggested that they are less than okay with trans people. Unfortunately that person was my mother. So I once again resolved myself to solitude in my mind, that I would never tell anyone, that I would grow up, drop all ties with everyone I have ever known and transition all on my own.


Though my mind has changed since then, as made obvious by this letter. Because I realized in the years since my decision to do what I stated above, that you are a good person, one that I could trust to reveal my ultimate secret to. Also, that I would need help, that I couldn’t go through transitioning all on my own, not just financially(sorry, I am gonna need your help to pay for stuff), I realized that I would need to have people in my life that I can count on.



You may have seen the word ‘transition’ a few times now, so what does it mean? To transition is, for nearly all trans folk, the only way they can ever be truly happy, and comfortable in their own skin and able to live life to the fullest. It means that I soon hope to be no longer living or identifying as male. That I shall be seeing a therapist so that I can receive Hormone Replacement Therapy(HRT), which will cancel out my body’s male hormones with female ones, prompting my body to effectively go through a second puberty to develop physically as a female. It means that I will change the way I dress, that I will no longer speak with that deep monotone voice I am known for. That I am again going to need your financial support to help pay a professional to shoot my facial hair to oblivion with death beams among other things. Don’t fret, I will try to keep your wallet out of the process of my transitioning as much as possible. It means that I will undertake the long and tedious process of updating every bit of identification related to me so that they reflect my female identity, which will include a name change. Don’t worry I’ll be keeping your last name, and honestly my name actually won’t change that much, which should hopefully make this process a bit easier for you.


There is however something I need you to understand, if I haven’t been clear enough so far.


This is where I make it clear that this is not a choice. Again, This Is NOT A Choice. I am not deciding to become a girl. I always have been. This is just me allowing me to be myself, my true self, because I am done lying, done hiding, done being miserable. In transitioning, despite improving attitudes towards trans people, I am still going to become a second-class citizen in the eyes of many people, I am still going to be opening myself up to discrimination and hate. I am still going to jeopardize my likelihood of finding a life partner who accepts me. I am still going to jeopardize my chances at getting a good job. I am still opening myself to abandonment and rejection by family and friends. I am still dropping myself into a world of social trouble, and believe me, if I had a choice, this is something I would not do. But I don’t have a choice, and you can’t ever think, not even for a moment that I do. That is where I go from here, it is the only outcome of my continued existence and development as a human being. It is something that was always going to happen, because it was never my choice.


If I seem completely confident in my position, I assure you, it wasn’t always this way, because even after I found out what being transgender was and privately identifying as such, I still had difficulties accepting myself. Difficulties which led to bouts of severe depression, which if i’m being honest, is basically my default, in fact, it’s hard to think of a time in the last six years in which I wasn’t depressed to some degree. Before this letter I have never told anyone. Well, except that people on an LGBT forum, but out of everyone I know outside of the internet, you are the first to know.


At this point in my letter I would like to acknowledge that I have been under the assumption that you are the person I imagine you to be, that is, someone who is capable of accepting me for who I am. Though, should that not be the case, I want you to know that I understand if you never want to see or hear from me again. I don’t expect this to be easy for you to accept without time to think it over, and I will do my best to answer any additional questions you have. But please understand that this is one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. Another thing you need to remember is that I'm not going to be a different person, I am still going to be that sassy, sarcastic, somewhat lazy, trivia spouting, future obsessing, computer nerd of a child you have always had. Honestly, the biggest changes to my personality that you might notice, will be me being much happier and confident in myself.


I’m actually not to sure how to end this letter. Well, I suppose I'll leave you with some final notes. First, I ask that you don’t tell anyone else. Second, if you decide that you cant accept me, just text me, and give me time to get my things together. Third, again, I will do my absolute best to answer any questions you might have.



And lastly, thank you for reading this letter.



Sincerely,

Your Daughter.​

Also, I wrote one for my older brother, the second person I intend to come out to,

Spoiler

Dear Bro,

It has no doubt taken me days if not weeks to get this letter as close as possible to what I need it to say. This is because what I have to tell you might be confusing, perhaps even upsetting at first, but I assure you most of your immediate questions/concerns should be answered/addressed. Of course, I couldn't possibly fathom every question you may have, there are also other questions/concerns you will have that simply cannot be covered in the scope of this letter.

I bet you’re really wondering what is so darn important that I felt the need to handwrite [I will be handwriting both of these] a letter to tell you, well, it’s because I’m not your brother. I have wanted to tell you for so long, I could never bring myself to do it before now. Oh wait, now that I think about it that might have been bad phrasing, let me try that again. I’m your sister. There, that’s better. It’s okay, feel free to give me a nice punch to the shoulder for pulling that, but you know me, always making jokes. In all seriousness though, I’m transgender, which -in my case- means that I am a girl, always have been and I will be transitioning in the near future if I haven’t started already. Maybe this is a shock to you, maybe you’ve had your suspicions, whatever the case, you know now. So about those questions/concerns I mentioned you might have.

First off, yes, I have always known. However, I was unsure of what I was feeling, but I figured there was nothing I could ever do about it. That I would just have to learn to live with the feeling of wrongness. But then, when I was sixteen I found out from my good friend the Internet that being trans is a thing and that you can do something about it. You also need to understand that I am not suddenly going to be a different person, I will continue to be that sassy, sarcastic, somewhat lazy, trivia spouting, future obsessed, punk rocker, computer nerd, you’ve come to know and ‘can’t even’ with. I suppose one difference you may notice its that I might seem happier and more confident in myself.

You may have seen the word ‘transition’ a few times now, so what does it mean? To transition is , for most trans folk, the only way they can ever be truly happy, and comfortable in their own skin and able to live life to the fullest. It means that I soon hope to be no longer living or identifying as male. That I shall be seeing a therapist so that I can receive Hormone Replacement Therapy(HRT), which will cancel out my body’s male hormones with female ones, prompting my body to effectively go through a second puberty to develop physically as a female. It means that I will change the way I dress, that I will no longer speak with that deep monotone voice I am known for. It means that I will undertake the long and tedious process of updating every bit of identification related to me so that they reflect my female identity, which will include a name change.

[There is however something I need you to understand, if I haven’t been clear enough so far.

This is where I make it clear that this is not a choice. I am not deciding to become a girl. Like I said before, I always have been. This is just me allowing me to be myself, my true self, because I am done lying, done hiding, done being miserable. In transitioning, despite improving attitudes towards trans people, I am still going to become a second-class citizen in the eyes of many people, I am still going to be opening myself up to discrimination and hate. I am still going to jeopardize my likelihood of finding a life partner who accepts me. I am still going to jeopardize my chances at getting a good job. I am still opening myself to abandonment and rejection by family and friends. I am still dropping myself into a world of social trouble, and believe me, if I had a choice, this is something I would not do. But I don’t have a choice, and you can’t ever think, not even for a moment that I do. That is where I go from here, it is the only outcome of my continued existence and development as a human being. It is something that was always going to happen, because it was never my choice.]


I don’t expect this to be easy for you to accept without time to think it over, and I will do my best to answer any additional questions you have. But please understand that this is one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. However, if you are as awesome as I believe you to be, you will have no problem accepting me, the only thing you might be upset about is that you aren’t actually the first to know. Don’t be too upset though, because you are only the second to receive a letter. Who could be more important than you, you ask? My Dad.

[And much like the letter I wrote to him, I have no idea how to end this one. So, also much like his, I suppose I'll leave you with some final notes. First, I ask that you don’t tell anyone else. Second, again, I will do my absolute best to answer any questions you might have. Third, if you decide that you cant accept me, just text me and then we never have to contact each other again. Though I hope that is not the case.]


And lastly, thank you for reading this letter



Sincerely,

Your Sister.​

Note that I replaced his name with 'Bro' for the sake of anonymity. As for the red highlighted section, i'm not sure whether his letter needs it or not, though I am leaning towards not. Also the ending paragraph(the green one) is just a place holder until I write a better one.

Anyway, if there is anything you think I should address or do better overall, please tell me, I would very much appreciate some feedback. Also I am posting this at 12 a.m. which may not be the best idea, but we'll see tomorrow.

 

I really need some advice here guys. I'm just so unsure about everything. Please help.

 

Eloquent? Why thank you, for that compliment you may absolutely borrow a few lines. I have made a few minor revisions to both letters since February, nothing too significant, just refining them as much as possible before the end of May. I might post those revisions here in a day or two.