Something that came up in my counseling session today. Does anyone else here have an issue with getting angry at the people in our lives? I am wondering if this is like a mass thing among us who have been at any time closeted. My counselor said she doesn't understand why I am not angry with my mom for all that she has done to me. I know if it was someone else, I would have told them to get her out of their lives a long time ago. I just I guess feel like I am always trying to live up to her expectation to get her to love me as I am. That will never happen. I know this, but I still don't know how to get angry. I don't get angry at anyone usually. I told my counselor I try to always see the other person's viewpoint. She says I need to get angry to move on, to grow, to fully accept that I can be me. thoughts? ---------- Post added 28th Jan 2017 at 06:24 AM ---------- adding in - I had a counselor session today and the topic we discussed was why I am not angry and it is okay to be selfish. My mom has never accepted me for who I am am. My mom knew I was lesbian or at least knew I liked girls, but put me through conversion therapy and made me feel like I was the devil's child. My mom told me when I was young she never wanted a daughter. My mom spoils my brother, worships the ground he walks on, yet everyday makes me feel like I am not worthy or up to par to be in this world. My mom is controlling. My mom is sanctimonious. So why am I not angry with her. Why do I allow her in my life? There is another side to her. I have seen her struggle financially where she didn't have much food to even feed us, but still gave a loaf of bread to someone in need. Is it okay to be selfish? My counselor said sometimes we need to be selfish. I respond by saying I don't know how. I always think of everyone involved and how it would affect them and how I can minimize any pain or bad effect before making a decision. How is selfishness good? Anger and selfishness go hand in hand. They are what prevents me from being me, because their opposites lye at my foundation of who I am. But is that part of my denial, my learned coping skill to stay closeted? Do I have to get angry to make changes in my life? To not allow my mother's influence control me any further? Am I allowed to be selfish when I know doing so will hurt someone else? Oh this question IS my reason to stay hidden behind the veil of heteronormality. Do you really have to take care of yourself first so others can be happy? I don't believe this. I always, always put my needs/wants at the end, last in line. Do I really think I have no value here but to help make other people happy? I guess the answer is yes I believe that. I have often told myself I am a muse for others. That I am here only to connect with someone in need and help them change their life for the better. How do I overcome that belief? With anger, with selfishness?
That really sucks what your mom put you through, and I have a fear of conversion therapy if I come out to her and my dad. But I don't think you need to be angry to move on, especially if its something you have to force. Sometimes if you force that anger out, it won't always stop where it would if had come naturally. I am by no means a therapist or counselor, if you trust your counselor fully then I'd try what they say. But you can burn bridges and break chains without anger. If there is no chance of reconciliation with your mother, then appeal to your selflessness. I'm not fully aware of your background, but if it is separation from your mother that you want (is it?) then it could be healthy for both of you, not just one sided, and you don't need anger to accomplish that. The fact that you are not angry with your mother is such a tribute to your level of love, it makes you such an incredible person who can connect with others without the bias of their past clouding your feeling for them. You are an incredible person and I admire your strength an ability to love with all you've been through <3
