Well, I am new at this site. And I really like it and have read some of the posts. A lot of you seem to have really great advice...so I guess I am asking for that now. I am 17, female...and I am confused on what orientation I am. I can cancel out lesbian...because I am not only attracted to girls. I know I like guys, for sure. The problem is...I am not sure about the girl factor. I have had a crush/infatuation with a girl for a year now...I never really knew her, just sort of aquaintances/friends...and she recently just graduated...so I am happy about that. I never had told anyone about it until just recently, I told 2 of my best friends, both guys. At first I thought...hmmm I am straight with just a little girl crush...I only had eyes for one girl so I assumed I was straight. Then as the year wore on...I started noticing other girls...just a few not the whole girl population. Some were even on women celebrities. But I was really attracted to guys and the occasional girl. I can't really say in a way...what I may be...because I have never been in a relationship with a guy or a girl. For the majority of my life I only liked guys. I remember as a kid I was a major tom boy and would always want to play guys in our homemade movies and games...and I remember having little crushes on girls then. But once I entered high school...I was just seeing a lot of hot guys. And something else to add is that I haveall guy friends...and they are all either gay or bi or not sure. I only have like a few friends that are girls, but all my close friends are gay/bi boys. But now as a junior I seem to be more open and wanting to possibly experiment...but I am not entirely sure...I just kind of want some advice as to what I am in a way...if anyone has any clue...please by all means let me know. Thanks. =)
Hi. It can be confusing. One thing that helped me in sorting things out was talking about attraction. There are two types of attraction - physical, emotional. Both types of attraction make up a person's "sexual orientation". So, for me, it was easy - I am attracted physically and emotionally to females - thus, lesbian. However, it is easier and more comfortable for me to make friends with guys. I tend to be able to relax more with guys - probably because I am not worried about the "attraction" aspect. It does not mean I am not emotionally close to guys, but there is a difference in emotional closeness in friendship and emotional closeness in dating relationships. It sounds to me like you are more prone to being emotionally (dating style) and sexually attracted to girls, and more of a close friend with guys. It does seem heterosexual is out of the equation for you. But, you are the only one who can determine this for yourself. These are my thoughts, and they may or may not apply to you. Take what you like and throw out the rest.
I've gone through exactly what you're going through, with some minor pronoun switches (I knew I was gay, yet had a slight attraction for some straight things every now and again). For me, it was extremely hard, and still is. I'm still not 100% sure. I think it's easiest to think of your orientation as a continuum, though. You don't have to be 100% or 50/50. You can be closer to one end than the other! For you, I think you're probably like me but opposite. I always find guys attractive. In real life, guys are what catch my eye, and guys are who I see myself with in the long run. My only crushes have always been on guys, and if I ever find a girl attractive, it's often not in a sexual content. My fantasies are about men, and... well you get the point. So I guess you just need to ask yourself two questions. Who do I see myself with as the years go by? Do I see myself having a boyfriend, or a girlfriend, both, or neither? And, who do I find myself sexually attracted to the most? Is it mostly guys, mostly girls, both, or neither? Then you can go from there. Chances are though, you are somewhere in the gray fuzzy area somewhere between 100% straight and 50/50 bisexual. It doesn't have to be a set thing. If you're like me, though, with an obsession for order, then you might feel most comfortable having something to call yourself. I was close enough to one side that I now just consider myself gay. You are probably not, from what you've said. You might be bi-curious, or straight with a bisexual side. You might be bisexual but prefer men, or you might be mostly heterosexual. Those are all some "labels" that might apply to you, if that makes you feel any better. If you need someone who's been there to talk to, I'm always open to chat. All my IM things are under my sexy cat-boy avatar Take care, and don't let it eat you up. I let that happen to me, and was an emotional wreck for close to a month. <3 Ryan
I think you might be a 2 in Kinsey's scale - primarily straight but with a significant attraction for the same sex. It was what Kinsey himself was as an adult, and it is very common, although 1 and 2 are the most ignored orientations in Kinsey's scale (0 is totally straight, 3 is 50/50 bisexual) Labels are not good though - you just have to know what you like. I don't know how to label myself yet - I can say that I'm a 4 tending to 5 in Kinsey's scale but I never know whether to call myself bi or gay. That applies here too. If you want to talk to me, feel free to do so. My IM things are under my not-so-sexy Dr. House avatar. And of course, you're always welcome to PM me. Cheers, Fred.
Thanks. You guys really did help quite a bit. So...should I confide in a friend with all that I am thinking about or no? I feel kind of alone in a way...because none of my friends know, not even my best friend.
I totally understand the desire to tell a "face to face" friend. I love EC, but it does not make up for in person human contact. It really helped me just to tell someone, but I still don't have anyone to necessarily "talk to" (ya know, girl talk) about it. Telling someone I know in person helped me to figure out my feelings in myself. It helped me to be free to me. It is a risk though. I would suggest telling one friend and see how it goes.
So, I told my best friend. And it went rather well I must say. He told me that he already had an idea that I was bisexual so that was a bit surprising. But it is definitely a relief that I now have someone who knows. Even though you guys are pretty cool, too. =) My only worry is if I do tell more close friends...you can only trust someone so much...and as much as I want to be able to be myself at school next year as a Senior, I can't...because my sister will be joining me as a Freshman...and will more than likely be around me a lot...so if she finds out...then that means my mom would find out and then my mom would tell my dad...and I do not want my parents to know anytime soon...so how should I go about this?
Just tell your friends its something you don't want them to tell other people, you are still working through your thoughts. Can't blame you for liking girls anyway haha they are hot.
