So I've been thinking about coming out a lot and it's been bothering me lately. I feel like if I just do it I'll feel a lot better. I'm 21 and I don't think anyone suspects it since I'm pretty straight acting and I haven't told anyone. It took me a really long time to finally accept myself now. I'm choosing my older brother first because I'm close to him and I actually care what he thinks. Thing is, we don't usually talk about these kinds of things, but he's shown that he doesn't like gay people before. I trust him and I'm hoping he doesn't feel strongly about it and that it'll be different if it's his own brother that's gay. My plan is to just flat out tell him in person when we're at home. Whenever I play out the scenario in my head I get scared to death so I don't know how I'll go through with it. Any advice?
Hi JakeS, Welcome to EC. Only you know when you are ready to come out and it is a personal choice. There is no rush. Toronto is very LGBT friendly and there are so many great opportunities to meet others around your age in the LGBT community. I would suggest checking out for opportunities in your area. With your brother, trust your gut. Do you really believe he will react badly if you tell him? My recommendation would be that the first person you tell be someone you fully trust. It doesn't necessarily even need to be someone in your immediate family. Could be a friend, school counsellor etc. Before I came out to the first person in my family, I joined a few LGBT groups in my area and that helped me feel more comfortable with coming out. When I did decide to come out to someone in my family, I told my sister first because I was closest to her. It was a few months later that I told my 2 other brothers. All of them have been totally supportive and have never told a soul without going through me first. My oldest brother used to sometimes say gay jokes through the years growing up, but I knew he didn't really mean anything by them and he doesn't say them anymore. Coming out can definitely feel like a scary experience, but from my own experience, I have found it gets a little easier each time. Hope that helps.
You know when it's time to come out. It's all whenever you're ready. My advice would to just come out, firstly, to someone who you trust will be supportive. The last thing you want is some sort of negative energy that makes you feel bad. If you feel your brother will be ok with it, then good for you and go ahead with it! At first, you're going to feel a bit weird, because you basically exposed a big secret to someone, so you may feel a bit naked lol for the next day, etc. Then you'll realize it is the greatest decision of your life! Good luck man!
JakeS....I agree a lot with CanadianRunner. Don't rush into coming out. Be sure that you are ready, that the time is right for you. Really try to find the best person for the first time that you actually say "I'm Gay" to another person. Try to find someone who, by their words and deeds have shown that they accept everyone no matter their sexual orientation. Coming out that first time is so difficult. I chose a guy that I had known for a long time. I knew he was ok with the LGBTQ community and that he had other friends that were gay and yet I sat in front of him for an hour before I could finally get the words out and then I panicked because of what I had just said. If that first time doesn't go well it really makes it harder to try again. If you have doubts about your brother, maybe you should think about someone else for the first time and tell your brother after you have already been through at at least once. It will still be difficult to tell your brother, but not as tough as it would be if it was the first time!.....David
Hi JakeS, well I agree with everyone else here: Don't rush it. But on the other hand: If you feel like you need to tell someone, just do it. I hope your brother takes it well and I wish you the best of luck for your Coming Out The best thing in my opinion is to not let it seem like a big thing. It is a big thing for you, but if you start with: "I have something to tell you." and then you just make a break and panic on the inside, it get's huge. When you come out, just be calm (or try to be calm) and say it as calm as possible. That way, your brother might accept it faster. But these are just my thoughts, I don't know how your brother will take it. Best of luck!
Hey JakeS, I agree with others on this thread that counsel you to only Come Out when you are ready and to whomever you are most comfortable with Coming Out to. If you decide that you really want to Come Out to your brother, perhaps you could start the conversation by bringing up an LGBTQ issue and asking his opinion on it. If things go well, maybe you could transition to asking him if he actually knows any LGBTQ people or has any LGBTQ friends. From there, if you feel more comfortable, maybe you could just make the leap and let him know that he has a gay brother. Just some thoughts.
Thanks for your advice everyone, I really appreciate it. I tried to tell him, but ended up just panicking inside the whole night then told myself I would tell him the next day. Then the next day I broke a leg so I don't think it's a good time anymore. Maybe I'll tell a friend for now instead.
