So I've basically been wanting to tell my parents for... ohhh... <<---- A couple years. And I haven't been able muster up the courage, and its starting to drive me nuts. I was planning on telling them after I graduated uni and had a job and was fully independent. Well... with the economy in the toilet I've yet been able to get a job. :rolleyes:.. Anyways, with a lot of extra time on my hands, I've been thinking about it a lot, and I want to tell then, though naturally I'm more than a little nervous. Here's some of the issues I face: I still have a hard time saying out loud "I am gay", even if there's no one around to hear it. I know my mom should be fairly positive about it. There's a few gays & lesbians at her work and she never talks negatively about them. I don't really know how my dad will respond. He occasionally pokes fun at any given minority, or anyone as a whole, but he's never said anything like "gays are evil and should burn in hell" or anything like that. So I don't really know. I'm more than ready to tell my mom, but I know my dad would be hurt if I didn't tell him, and I don't want to leave my mom alone without someone to talk to it about. I was thinking something along the lines of after dinner just kind of saying something along the lines of "Mom, dad: You know I love you, which is why this is hard to say: I am gay." Any thoughts, words of encouragement? Anything?
Well I was in the exact same place as you are now a few months ago... I think the first thing you should start vwith is standing in front of a mirror and saying out loud "I am gay." the more you say it the more comfortable you will be with not only saying it but knowing it. Now as for your parents I think that it's great that you feel ready to tell at least your mom about this important thing in your life.I think that telling them together would be your best bet.That way your mother(who you seem to think will react positively) can help your father(if he doesn't take it as well as you like) You father will undoubtedly need someone to lean on and the most logical person is your mother(especially if she is supportive) I would suggest going here http://community.pflag.org/Page.aspx?pid=194&srcid=-2 You should print out some stuff about being gay for your parents to read because they will likely want to ask you questions and they will likely have questions of their own.PFLAG is a great place for parents to get information. Hope it helps.
I'd second SS's advice. I think it'd be best if you felt a bit more comfortable with yourself before telling them. What about saying "I'm gay" causes you to feel uncomfortable, specifically? I notice that you're considering telling your parents "I love you, which is why this is hard for me to say..." Ideally, you should be saying "I love you, which is why I think it's important to let you know..." Maybe you can mull over what the difference is, and how you might be able to feel more like the latter than the former. Lex
I think, like above, its important to "come out" to yourself before you come out to anyone else. Being gay should not be something your afraid to say/think/be if your at the point you want to tell people your gay. Its important to be at a point were if anything negative happens while coming out, your strong enough to make it through in tact. If your self esteem is fragile as it is, any little bit of negativity when coming out can bring you crashing down. If you prepare for the worst, your ready for anything to happen. Sure, its hard to actually say the words "im gay" but if its hard to say them alone, then the only reason could be that your scared of it yourself. I would try and watch some videos, read some articles, and just try and get used to saying it to yourself. If you can say "Im gay, betch! Sha!" to yourself (or something like that haha) then your on a good road to being able to say it to others.
Thanks for your advice, all of you. PFLAG/ mirror is a good advice I see the difference in meaning between the two phraseology. Part of the reason I have a hard time saying it is because of the negative usage of gay, eg: "That's so gay". When I did come out to a couple of friends, it was via email, not in person, so I haven't had a good face to face coming out. I've also been watching a ton of "coming out" videos, and I cry during half of them. I don't know if that's good thing or not.
Having an emotional reaction to the videos is a good thing.I think you are putting yourself in their places without realizing it while you watch the videos.As for the mirror idea,that was what helped me get used to saying that I was Bi.Before too long I didn't need the mirror to say it at all.
i agree accept yourself then worry what others may feel after all its to do with you most of all. they love you they wil accept you
