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How to come out to family, especially Dad?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by AMMetric, Feb 6, 2017.

  1. AMMetric

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    I finally plucked up the courage to post something, so here it goes.

    All my family is incredibly liberal, all of them. So they would be no issue with me being gay, I know that. I've been raised with whoever you are/whatever you do is okay, as long as you are respectful to others; and gay is okay sort of things. But I think things would just be awkward, especially with my Dad. I am the "ladies man" of the family, that I "attract all the girls" and I'm a "smooth talker"- that sort of stuff. My Dad also makes comments about women when it is just us two, along the lines of "Did you see that girl? She was cute, and smiling at you. She obviously wants you, and I know you want her." My family just seems to have this hyper masculine, super straight expectation of me, and I don't fit in with that.

    I'm still haven't 100% come to terms with it, and don't really feel comfortable with the 'label' of being gay. So how do I come out? Is it just a case of wait, and come out when you're ready? With the last one, I'm not sure I ever will be, especially with my Dad. Thanks!
     
  2. dyl pickle

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    I think that whatever you feel will make you happy is best. It sounds like this is causing a lot of worries and stress for you, so I feel like it may be a relief for you if you were to come out, especially since it seems like they would accept you. You can also always say to them exactly what you have said here because I think it's really reasonable and they'd understand what you mean. Express your worries to them and tell them that you'd like it if they didn't talk so much about girls to you. However, in the end, this is still always your choice. If you feel like you'll never be ready, at least make sure you're a little ready so that you're not just forcing yourself into it. Best of luck :slight_smile:
     
  3. csm123

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    Hi and welcome to EC

    When you say you have finally plucked up the courage to post something you have actually just took a bigger step than you realise and are finally moving forward.You are wanting to get out to them.

    Well you are out to some friends so at least you have some experience coming out and know what it takes.

    Have you one family member who you could come out to and get there opinion or help on the best way to brake it to your dad.

    Could you come out to your mum or a sibling first and let them tell your dad that he better stop looking for girls for you as you don't swing that way or something similar.

    It really does sound like your family will be totally accepting even if it takes your dad a day or two to change the perspective he had of your future with a wife and kids etc.

    I think it would be best to wait until you feel a bit more comfortable with being gay before coming out to family.You have to be prepared to answer questions from family which is something that is a whole lot easier when you are comfortable in your own skin.

    You will get "that" feeling when you are ready to come out,probably the start of it is what brought you here.As you get more comfortable with yourself you will get that coming out is "on your mind" all the time.I would say that when you feel the need to get it out there the time is right and you will be able to do it in a calm and confident way making it a non issue to your family.

    Good luck
     
  4. AlecF

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    My dad was the same way. Always enticing me with girls when I wanted to look at hot blonde guys instead. For now I just play along to keep him happy because I'm still under his roof and dependant on him. My dad basically disowned me when I came out a month ago. Then a tragedy later and back home again. Just appease him, it's so much easier to fake liking ugly bitches on zoosk then to hear him gripe about my homosexuality. Good Luck
     
  5. AMMetric

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    Thanks everyone! I am grateful that I have know my family will be supportive, and will not disown me like other families. I guess I will just wait and see how I feel later down the line.