Background: Im 30, indian decent living in asia. Im in the spectrum between bi and lesbian, meaning i want to be with women (a woman) but I can see (and have before i came out) myself being sexual with men. That being said I do not want to be in a relationship/much less marry a man. My mother is out on the hunt to find a man and get me to marry him. A few of my relatives and cousins know about me (i identify myself as lesbian to them because it is easier to explain) and most of them were cool about it. Now, my mother is more and more desperate for me to be match-made because of family and society pressure. Haven't come out to her so the pressure for both of us is getting too much. Not to mention she is super close to her conservative siblings, all living in India. Her siblings are the ones giving her the most grief about my marital status. My girlfriend and i are planning to move in together and so the added problem of telling mother that im moving out and lesbian. The first thing (ive been told) is to move out. This is a big deal because in most asian households, if you live in the same country (or city) as our family you live with them till you marry and go live with your husband (yay feminist values!). The next thing is then to tell mother that im lesbian and love women. So now, i don't know how to start the conversation(s) with my mother. How do I tell her im moving out and how to stick my ground? How to come out to her and eventually when her conservative siblings find out, how to withstand them?
You could start by telling her you are moving out because you need more space for yourself, and since you are 30 that's perfectly legal. Then as you move out you could tell her that you're moving in with your girlfriend and you don't need for her to find you a husband since you already found a wife yourself. Or it may be better to reverse the order and tell them about your gf/upcoming wife and then move out with her. Stand your ground no matter what tho, who you marry is not your parents buisness.
Thanks Aceyda, I've been told to do the moving out talk first then the i found myself a partner. But sometimes its frustrating and i just want to tell her who i am, though i nay not be ready to accept the consequences. I need courage, mental strength and fortitude to have these conversations. Sucks that i feel like a coward
