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There's one girl I want to come out to but I'm not sure...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by anon991, Feb 12, 2017.

  1. anon991

    Regular Member

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    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Oh God. I'm really torn right now. Coming from and living in a community which is very socially conservative, coming out as gay is probably one of the craziest things you can do. But there is one girl at school who came out last year and she's been really vocal about it. I wouldnt say we're close friends but we are quite friendly with each other. I'm not really sure about my sexuality to be honest but I really want to tell her about my confusion regarding my sexuality so I have at least someone to figure out things with. However, I am really scared that if I tell her, somehow, someone else will find out about me questioning my sexuality. It's not like she's a gossiper and I do trust her more or less to keep things a secret, but the stakes are so high and someone else finds out, things won't be so good for me. Does anyone have any advice as to whether I should talk to her about it or whether I should stay safe and not tell anyone?
     
  2. BadassFrost

    Full Member

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    Gender Pronoun:
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    Sexual Orientation:
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    Out to everyone
    Well, if you want to tell her, then you have to know for sure that you can trust her. You wrote that you trust her, but you are not 100% sure. You should be 100% sure, if you really don't want your secret to be spread.
    I know that feeling when you finally want to tell someone. I went through it as well.
    Here is my advice:
    1. Never, EVER, rush in.
    2. Make sure you can trust her. Talk with her. Spend some time with her. Become closer friends. Eventually you'll realize if she's the right one to know.
    3. If it won't work / you still won't be sure / you'll realize she is not the right person to tell, then don't do it. Take a time, and maybe you'll find better person to share your secret with. If you have a best friend you can trust, find out what he/she things about LGBTQA people. Maybe you will find out that the right person to tell is closer than you think.

    This is just my personal opinion / advice.
     
  3. Sketchy

    Regular Member

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    I agree with the above, and also wanted to draw attention to the fact you said she was 'very vocal' about her own coming out. Now, honestly, this rang alarm bells for me. Not that she'd gossip, but you might find she'd push you to 'work out' your sexuality, want you to 'tell others'. I completely understand the need to talk to someone as you work things through, but really truly, this is something that only you will be able to understand and explore.

    In the end, if you're really struggling on your own and with these support forums and need help close to home, make sure you're close to her before telling her. I'd say you need to be able to talk to her outside of school too; I know how toxic a school environment can be.

    Most of all, don't panic. You are not the first, and you are not alone. Good luck and best wishes, whatever you do.
     
  4. anon991

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    Thanks for the advice guys, a lot of food for thought