Just wanted to put down in words how I am feeling right now as I wondered if anyone else shared these feelings anytime. Over the last few days I came out to two of my best friends. Their reactions were wonderful, really supportive, reassuring and loving. Its been great being with them and being who I really am with them, and I was on a real high. I had been so anxious before hand and began to feel that if coming out was like this, it wasn't so terrible after all. So, on this emotional high, and full of a renewed confidence, I went to stay with my parents for the Easter break. I was determined to come out to them too. As I write this I am back home, having not done it and feel like a complete failure. I just couldnt do it and now feel like I am completely back at square one. Ive lost my confidence and feel really lonely again. Also, I lied to my parents as they hoped to visit my home tomorrow but my boyfriend will be here, so I told them I would be out with friends. I hate lying to them; I love my parents and they have done so much for me, and now I'm dealing with a large dose of guilt about the way ive treated them. Ive gone from the relief and joy of starting to come out to being the anxious and nervous man I was before. I knew coming out was an ongoing process, but sometimes I simply hate it all.
The process can be a complete bitch and seem not worth it. I dont think you have any reason to feel guilty though. Shit happens and you may not feel completely ready to come out and you must be completely and emotionally ready before you do such a task. Maybe you werent completely ready and thats ok. You dont have to feel like a failiure because this is a weird and bizarre process. Take your time and Im sure you will pull through with it just fine. By the way, how are your parents' stand on homosexuality?
That's great about your friends being so supportive about you being gay. As for the fact that you didn't tell your parents when you intended to,don't feel like a failure.You are not back at square one because at square one only you knew you were gay and now you have supportive friends who know.I chickened out about telling my parents.I was supposed to do it on January 31st and I didn't do it.I felt like a failure,but then I realized that I probably put too much stress on myself and that was why I felt like a failure. Sometimes coming out can be a one step forward and two steps back process as much as we don't WANT it to be.
dont beat yourself up about it. itll happen when it happens. and dont feel like a failure either- its perfectly understandable to feel a loss of nerves when it comes to telling your folks.
Peter, It's okay. Don't berate yourself. I think most people go through this,especially where parents are concerned. Please,don't feel guilty. You're scared and that's perfectly natural. You didn't so much lie to your parents,as you did it to protect yourself. Be proud that you have come as far as you have. Sometimes we need to take baby steps so we won't be overwhelmed. It'll all come together,eventually. It's one of the hardest things you'll ever do. Instead of thinking of this negatively,think of the positive. You came out to two friends,and that's a huge step. There is no rush. Take your time and when you feel REALLY ready,talk to your parents. If you feel it necessary,explain about not letting them come to your house. I think they'll understand. Just quit beating yourself up over it. Remember the relief & joy you felt coming out to your friends and try to continue to enjoy that feeling. I wish you all the best. Remember,we're here for you.
Your not a failure you just didnt tell them yet it's ok you will tell them in time. Think about the fact you came out to two of your friends that's great congrats.
Parents are the hardest to come out to. It's very natural for you to struggle with this. And just because you didn't come out this past weekend doesn't mean you never will. You just haven't yet. So give yourself a break. You're far from a failure. You'll tell them when the time is right.
when the time is rite u will come out to ur parents and if u dont u cant put urself down just because the time wasnt rite or just because u couldnt. i do say this come out to ur parents before someone comes out for you. Thats wat happen to me and they are still unsupported of it etc etc. best of luck
I replied to a similar situation a few days ago. So know you’re not the only one in this situation. I haven’t told my parents yet either. Don’t give yourself a time limit, and ask yourself why you felt uncomfortable telling your parents. Are you worried they won’t take it well? Are you worried they might feel disappointed? Either way you’re still their kid and nothing is going to change that. Try sitting down and thinking through what you want to say to them. Maybe taking a friend with you will help. Maybe the timing just didn’t feel right. Beating yourself up will not make the situation better or even any different, but it always seems to be part of the process. Try taking some solace that you came out to your friends. And like everyone else said…it’s a process there are no failures in coming out.
Thank you everyone for your kind words, advice and support. I really appreciate you all. Some good news... I came out to another friend...I'm now out to five friends and like advised I'm focussing on that. I'll talk to my parents when Im ready. Thanks again all. xx
(*hug*) You're not by any means the only one struggling with telling their parents - I've not told mine either - and at the moment, I don't intend to. Take it easy - take time to spend with those friends you've told - around them you'll find you can "be yourself" - and being more honest with yourself with your friends will give you more confidence yourself. I certainly find that i'm better off when I'm not hiding who I am, and I can only fully do that around people who know about me (or who i don't care if they figure it out) the people I find hardest to muster courage to tell are the ones I've known the longest. I can't imagine telling some of the people I was at Uni with, or family (hence I'm not going to be out on Facebook without some very careful setting up of privacy options!)
(*hug*) aaw, don't worry, it'll come naturally! i came out to my mum in a text!!! the best way to do it (in my opinion) is in a letter or an e-mail or a text, or even phone or... you can put your fingers in your ears, close your eyes and say it! the moment'll be waiting going up and saying it directly is VERY hard, even i couldn't have done that! i'm sure your parents'll be understanding about it good luck! xxxx
