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Telling my family they got a second son (/nephew, etc.)

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Amdukias, Feb 14, 2017.

  1. Amdukias

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Germany
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Last friday I came out to my friends at school, which went pretty amazing in fact. They already use my name and male pronouns and also told me they'll support me, whatever my family and our school will do about it.
    Plan is to tell my close-family (mom & dad/both 48, sister/15, brother/7) I'm a boy by tomorrow evening, then going to my teacher the day after and coming out to her and also to make sure that it goes public so I'm "officially a (trans*)boy".
    Yeah, may a good strike foward but there will be lots of problems of course. First of all, even if my family isn't trans*-/homophobic, they won't be amused. I tried to come out to them before, and while my father just didn't seem to get the Point, my mother told me straight that she wouldn't "believe into transsexuality" neither she thinks trans*people would ever be happy after surgery cause it's just wrong. In her opinion, I'm just some kind of hardcore-lesbian. I know I'll have to hear things like that again.
    So, this is first part of this whole thing. Which (stupid) questions did you get and how did you answer them? How can I tell if they try to manipulate me to not go on with my plan (stuff like: you old grandmother will have a heartattack if you'd tell her)? What's best to calm them, cause they're no bad parents and they love me, but I think they'll be pretty worried about me?
    So, next point then: school. I know I'll still have to write my birth name on the exams for bureaucracy-reasons but apart from that it's possible to insist on male pronouns etc. I'm not sure if my school ever had to deal with any trans*teen before (we hadn't had a coming out in years, which doesn't has to mean anything but yeah...) so may they'll be confused. Has anyone here any experience with coming out in school? How did it work? Which problems did you have? How did teachers/students react? (Cause I'm in 11th grade for the second time now my classmates are between 16 and 18).
    Next step will be the other parts of my family, including four grandparents more or less educated and around 70 years old, at least six adults and five cousins between 7 and 19 years (three of them under 14). I know at least one grandma is homophobic, one granddad will discuss it through the whole universe and back and if I can't give intelligent answers to 100% of his questions he won't believe anything of it. How the others will react? I can't even theorize it. So same questions as before? Which reactions are most likely? Of course you know my family less than I do, but reactions to coming outs are always surprising and may you know ways to explain being trans* to elderly family members?
    Thanks to everyone who read this,
    yours Sascha
     
  2. Smores

    Regular Member

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    For your parents, Amandaschronicles has several very useful coming out videos and they say that you should treat your parents like children since they likely aren't very well educated in this department. Also, I think that making sure you tell them that this is what makes you happy and comfortable is important. I don't really know how to help with the rest sorry. I hope I was able to offer something useful.
     
  3. Amdukias

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Germany
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Some people
    This is a pretty good advice I think! Also I watched the videos and in my opinion it was really helpful :slight_smile: Thank you very much
     
  4. Smores

    Regular Member

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    Your welcome! I'm so glad I could help ^-^
     
  5. Amdukias

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Germany
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Sow, short update. I told my family about me being trans* around 1,5h ago. They reacted more or less intolerant but also told me they love me and just worry about everything I'll have to face and stuff. Next monday I'll tell my therapist I'll need a family therapy with my parents to talk about everything. Honestly I'm pretty sure my mom is the "worst" cause she wants someone who diagnoses me as faker and doesn't really "believe" in transsexuality.
     
  6. Smores

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    I'm happy to hear it went ok. I hope your mom comes around!