Hi, I am from Malaysia. First of all, kindly pardon for my bad English. I am very lonely (sometimes depressed) but I have problems coming out of the closet and disclosing my gay sexuality. I believe you understand that I am living in Asia where the people here are not as open-minded or tolerating as Westerners when it comes to accepting the LGBT community. I am 100% sure that I was born as gay and being gay is not an option for me because I have discovered that I am only emotionally and physically attracted to men since my childhood. The worst thing is I am mostly attracted to straight guys, especially those nice-looking and handsome guys who ooze their masculinity and seem to be nice guys. It makes feel safe and secure when I have fantasy that I could have cuddled with them or laid on their shoulders. I am desperately seeking for bromance or platonic relationship with straight guys. I do admit that I am physically attracted to guys but not really sexually attracted to them. I used to watch mostly non-sexual gay porn but I have been trying very hard to quit watching it and masturbating because my mind, body, and lifestyle have been deteriorated. In addition, I have actually tried some gay apps but I dare not upload my true picture on those apps, not even on social media as I am afraid that someone who could recognize me will know my true sexuality and I am also a shy introvert (I know they are two different things, but I have both). So, it makes me more difficult to come out of the closet. Anyway, I do also admit that I am picky on which guys I would like to be together with, but that's because there are guys who have something attractive or unique that I don't have and I wish to have them with me to make me feel secure and loved. I love guys who are masculine from outside but gentle and compassionate from inside. Of course, I am not that girlish or sissy but I am more of "soft" type. I have learned few self-defense and fighting techniques from Jeet Kune Do, so there are times I can be "intense" type. I am actually a person who is soft from outside but intense from inside, which is totally opposite of what type of guys I am attracted to. Sorry for my long message, I hope someone else here can give me some great advice on my problems. Thanks and Regards. Have a nice day.
I'm sorry you're having a hard time with this and I know what it's like too. I have the same problem of always liking the guys who end up being straight; it's frustrating. Also know what you mean about not putting up a pic on the apps/date sites. As for being picky, i'm with you on that too, although, I have found that some guys I find attractive others may not and vice versa so it's fine. I also have found that some guys who didn't catch my eye at first, I later found very adorable after getting to know them and their kindness, humor, etc. By the way, your English is very good so please don't worry about that and just type whatever you feel and i hope you'll feel some community here at EC
You seem to be in great shape since you do martial arts.have you tried finding other gay men for companionship? I know in KL there are several gay bars? I think you need to just keep meeting more like minded people.
I am not really that physically good looking and I am quite ugly. I did learn some self-defense technique from Jeet Kun Do. A true martial artist doesn't fight using only muscular effort, it is the inner strength that matters the most. It is hard to be explained here but it has something to do with Newton's Law of Physics. I have no idea how to explain, it is not like those "Qi" in Chinese martial art. If you learn about Wing Chun, you should know how this works.
