So over the last few months I have realized and come to terms with the fact that I am a lesbian. I honestly didn't realize this until I was 20, in hindsight there were some things that pointed to this but I was always quick to dismiss them. Now that I have had my "DUHHH" moment and really accepted this, I think I would like to tell some people, but not knowing how they will react is terrifying. I doubt anyone will be anything less than supportive but the thought of people knowing brings about a lot of anxiousness. Part of me wonders if I have given this enough time. I worry that one day I stop feeling this way or regret telling people. But the other part of me knows that this is not phase, that I do truly feel this way. I know I don't have to label my sexuality and can love anyone, but I want to be real and honest. I constantly feel like I am lying to all my friends and family. But I feel secure in this place where I know but no one else does. I know as soon as i tell one person I will no longer have this secure feeling. Its like jumping a fence and not knowing what is on the other side. I have a lot of mixed emotions and it is hard to put everything I'm feeling into words. But I just wanted to share my thoughts with other people for the first time!
I have been out as a bisexual for many years, but at 33, I am finally coming to terms that I am a lesbian. I've had to unravel years of trauma and mistreatment in therapy to come to this realization. I haven't come out to everyone I know, but I am out to the people that are most important to my social existence, and this has become a very valuable experience. Not everyone is this lucky. I know a lot of people experience backlash when they come out, but it sounds to me like you're pretty sure that the people you will be coming out to will be supportive. That said, my advice to you is to think long and hard about who matters most to you, and which of those people you feel you can trust the most. They will be the best people for you to come out to at first. Knowing that those people are the most likely to be supportive and love you regardless of your sexuality will be a cushion, and it will be like practice for the more difficult times down the road. The more you get comfortable with coming out, the easier it will be later on, and the more confident you will feel in your ability to face any adversity that may come from it. The people we keep closest are there for this very reason-- they are your support system. Everyone needs to build a strong support system around them, and knowing who will be a part of that support system long term is very important. I hope this helps a little, and good luck to you.
