I am so ready to come out, at least to my friends. I know I'm attracted to women, but I continue to have this fear that I will come out and one day date a man and everyone will think I was faking it. I don't have a desire to date men or be with men romantically, but I do feel close to some men and I guess that's why I have some doubts that I am 100% a lesbian. I don't want to come out as bisexual because I honestly don't feel or believe that I am. Anyway, I guess I'm wondering if others have had this sense of doubt? Does this doubt mean I'm not ready to come out?
You could just be slightly heteroromantic and not bisexual. I'm only out as a Pansexual to a hand-full of people close to me because I'm mostly attracted to women. Otherwise I just say I'm a lesbian. If you feel you're ready to come out as a lesbian I say go for it. Your happiness right now is ultimately what matters.
Hey shelovesfoxes, I understand where you are coming from. First, I would say that you (or anyone) should only Come Out if/when you are ready and to whomever you are comfortable doing so. I also strongly believe that is important for any LGBTQ person to understand and accept their sexuality before Coming Out. The reason that I say that is that, when Coming Out, you/we may encounter people who question our stated sexuality. If you/we are uncertain in our own minds, it can lead to further confusion and hinder us from being strong and firmly stating our sexuality to those who question it. In term of Coming Out as bisexual, I agree with you 100% that if you don’t think that you actually ARE bisexual, you shouldn’t Come Out as bisexual. (As a bisexual guy, I have issues with the fact that some homosexuals first Come Out as Bi because they think it will be easier for friends and family to accept – it’s called bi-erasure and leads to people tending to believe that there is no such thing as bisexuality – but I also understand why some homosexual people choose to go this route. Although, I, personally, discourage it.) In terms of determining whether or not you are actually ready to Come Out to anyone, I would say that, as I stated earlier, you should be comfortable Coming Out to them. Whether it is a good friend whom you think is LGBTQ-accepting or an LGBTQ-friendly family member. Initially, the main point of Coming Out is to establish a support network. For that reason, best friends and family members tend to be the last people the we Come Out to - because we have the most to lose (friendship, support, unconditional love) if those individuals reject us. (Even if there is only a slight possibility of that happening, IF it actually did happen, it would be normally devastating to us.) The bottom line is that, ultimately, only YOU can determine if/when you are ready to Come Out. I hope some of that helps.
I think it's normal to have doubts about sexuality, especially since most of what we see around us is straight. Whenever you do talk to someone about your sexuality, you could say what you said here. Explain that sexual orientation is a spectrum and you feel you're at this point on it. I'm gay, but every once in a while I meet a woman and think, hmm, could I make a relationship work with her? She's nice, funny, cute, etc. Then I think, I'd be more into her nice, funny, cute, etc. brother or friend and realize it would be like forcing a relationship with her to do what's most common in society and it wouldn't end well. Just thought I'd mention that as food for thought. Good luck on your journey!
I am out and still experience doubt sometimes. It is completely normal, and does not mean you are not a lesbian.
It's very common for people to identify as gay but have a small amount of attraction towards the opposite gender. If you ever do find yourself falling in love with a guy, then what's the big deal? You don't need to justify yourself to everyone you meet. Just show them that it's normal and that you couldn't care less about the expectations that are put on gay people, and nobody will be able to put you down.
I know exactly what you mean. Only when I got closer to coming out (I planned my coming out down to the very last detail) I started having these doubts. I would counter them by asking myself if I wanted to be with the opposite sex. It took me almost four years to come out, so I definitely knew that I was sure and the mind games only started a few days before coming out. I wouldn't worry about it. I worried about it too, and it's nice to know other people do the same thing.
