I was in the nail shop yesterday thinking about everything and about how I remember being there 4 years ago watching my mom get her nails done. It got me thinking time goes fast and soon I will be off to college then almost 30 and I told myself I won't come out until after college and relying on myself. My mom is sick and her getting into a car accident had me thinking I could be too late any day now. I need some good examples for how I can come out to a homophobic mom.
Hi DreamonRose, How do you come out to a homophobic mom? This is a very difficult and complicated question. Coming out to others is such a personal journey, and our anonymity here prevents us from truly knowing each other. I don't know you or your parents, so it's difficult to measure the level of homophobia in your house. Advising someone who is 14 years old, dependent upon parents described as homophobic and possibly very hostile (according to others posts from you), is potentially very dangerous, and so I wouldn't advise you to come out because of these thoughts I have on your situation: 1. I'm not sure what you would be coming out as. Your gender and orientation status of your profile is vague and unsure, and your posts tell me that you're questioning a lot of things right now. So coming out is better if you truly know yourself. If you did come out to your mom, what would you tell her? Just that you're questioning? That's not necessarily a bad thing, but some parents will have an easier time dismissing your coming out as a "phase" or temporary, especially if they are not accepting of LGBT. 2. I think you've described before in other posts that your mom would kick you out if you came out of the closet. I don't know if that's just your worst fears saying that or if you truly have reason to believe this. If you really do believe that coming out will go badly, then I don't think you should come out until you are ready to do so and have a plan in place to take care of yourself. 3. Slow down, take a deep calming breath and try to relax. It's normal to feel the way you do after your mom's accident. Scary or tragic events often cause us to see life from a completely different perspective and give new meaning to our perceptions. I know that this is so difficult to be in this place of trying to figure yourself out. I've been there and I know the anxiety and fear well. Please know that you have so much life ahead of you, and you don't have to have it all figured out so quickly. When you truly know yourself, you'll know when it's time to tell others. And it's the best way to do it. 4. Financial independence. Again, assuming your parents will react badly, you will be in a much better position to come out when you have financial independence. Finally, I'd like to suggest to you that you take a real honest look at your parents and their potential reaction. Think honestly about your memories of things they have said over time. Have they said specific things that are anti-gay, anti-transgender, anti-LGBT? Have they said anything specific to you, such as "You better not turn out to be (queer, trans, gay, lesbian, etc.)" I'm asking you to take a real honest look at this because we often project our own fears onto others and build up our fears into the worst imaginable scenario. Often parents, even ones who have been somewhat homophobic, just need some time to adjust to the idea of having a LGBT child. Most parents come around after a bit of time and become accepting parents. But there are some who kick their gay kids out, and others who try to take their LGBT child to an ex-gay minister to "change" their child, and others who send their gay kid to live with someone else, and some who keep their kid but just make life miserable at home. The thing is, I don't know which of these are your parents? Without letting the fear talk, can you say which is the most likely for you? Overall, I would suggest that you wait a while and try to figure this all out some more before you decide to do anything. Take care. ride:
