Hello people, I don't know why i decided to start my first post this way- i guess it's because I felt a bit depressed about this, anyhow i'll start by greeting, since this is my first post. Hello people, i prefer to be called Jon, for short, I'm very morbid, although i think i may have adopted a very optimistic nature as well! Anyhow I'm gay, i'm a senior in high school now... that's about it! Nobody really knows about this except for ONE close friend. Anyhow, here's the thing about this topic: I come form a large family, which although may have its perks, comes with a toll fee: "many many opinions" This leads to the clashing of opinions in the family, although in my place: the youngest, i am also very unopinionated or don't like to share mine, if i do haveone.. So moving on, the other two younger brothers, of the family are rather... intolerant. They love to bark about how 'being gay is wrong'. etc... At first this didn't seem to bother me, but now it just hurts. They go further and further with their petty insults, and it hurts. I accepted I was gay a long time ago (in fact i was rather happy with it), but now i feel like being gay is just totally stupid, especially in this family. My parents are growing old as well, and push each of us to have kids. So i feel this pressure, and i just can't take much more. Telling them is the worst, especially since my parents and I already have a bad connection, and my brothers are just... like friends? The more i tolerate of this crap, the more i feel as though i'm being ripped apart. I feel like being gay is wrong now, and that my lifestyle will kill me or segregate me. My only protection from this is this 'feeling' in myself that keeps telling me to keep going, to forget it, and that i in 1 1/2 years, freedom awaits. But i feel that's too long! What should i do!? Like i said, i feel really ripped apart right now because everytime they say something about my sexuality ( even unknowingly ) it just tells me what they will end up saying if i told them.
Hello! Sorry to hear that your brothers aren't so big on gay people. However maybe that would be different if they knew that you were gay. Im sure that they do not mean to hurt your feelings. It is good that you have accepted being gay, that is a huge step. What are you parents opinions on homosexuality? Have they given any indications that they would disapprove?
Hi there. I also think your brothers would have a different tone if they knew you were gay. People talk like that because they dont' understand what being gay is really about, and they don't actually know someone that is gay. That would all change if you came out to them. You're young, and the youngest in the family. Leave the grandchildren task to your older siblings. You'd be the last one to have kids, likely, even if you were straight. They'll have grandchildren some day I'm sure. YOU are not responsible for your parents' happiness. They are. YOU are responsible for your own happiness. So you need to think about what is going to work for you - today, tomorrow, or a year from now. Just hang around here. You'll feel better just knowing that other people share your concerns or are in a similar situation that they have already worked through. Good luck! And again - welcome!
They're idiots. It's your life and you should do whatever you want. No one can tell you you're wrong. No one is fit to judge you. I hope that your entire family will one day not care about something as minor as sexual orientation.
Well, how many gay people do your brothers know? If the answer is none then yeah they are going to be ignorant as what being gay means. As for the whole: my-parents-want-me-to-have-kids deal. Well, a perk from coming form a big family is that your parents have plenty of kids to bring home grand babies, so I wouldn’t sweat that part. :badgrin:
Everything really does change once someone knows somebody that is gay. So give your brothers a chance!
It's true. My group of friends used gay jokes as a large source of humor before I came out. They've completely stopped since then.
It's very comforting to hear this, but the thing is, if i told my brothers, my mother would know, if my mother knew, the entire direct and indirect family would know, and if they know, they would hate me as they are religious extremists. It's quite funny, my friends love to make the gay jokes on me as well, I usually don't mind, but today they caught me at the wrong time =\ I wonder, if everybody knew, what would happen... Positives, Negatives... There would be all sorts of those, i'm just afraid of the outcome and the future that comes after it, i'm also not very trustful of people, as the people i would normally trust, have only broken my trust. Although i would like to thank you all for the advice... I'll try and find the right time to change everything ! @_@ The outcome scares me... but who wouldn't be... People are judging.
I just wanted to share some quotes with you, since people have touched on most of everything else: I think God appreciates you even more. Because he created you in his image. At least that's what I was always taught. And since God is love and God doesn't make mistakes, then you must be exactly the way he wants you to be. And that goes for every person, every planet, every mountain, every grain of sand, every song, every tear... and every faggot. We're all his. He loves us all. This is me damn it! I look the way I look, think the way I think, feel the way I feel, love the way I love! I am a whole complex package. Accept me - or walk away! Do not try to make me feel like less of a person, just because I don't fit your idea of who I should be and don't try to change me to fit your mold. Do you ever read the Sunday comics? Well, when I was a little kid, I use to put my nose right up to them. And I was just amazed because it looked like this mass of dots, and none of it made sense until I pulled back. Life looks like that mass of dots to me sometimes. None of it makes any sense, but I like to think that, from God's perspective, life, everything - even this - make sense. It's not just dots. Instead we're all connected, and it's beautiful and funny and good. This close we can't expect it to make sense, not right now. So my dad says to me, son you did your best. Besides, you cant make a fish fly. And dads right you cant make a fish fly. But you could chuck a fish across the room, and for a few fleeting moments it really believes its flying. Until it smashes its head into the wall. It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not. Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. Why tell anyone? Why lose everything when it can just be your little secret? You see, it was different for me. Everyone could tell who I was from the start and it didn't make my life any easier. I've been beaten up, cursed at, spit on, ignored... but in a way it was worth it. Because I have never had to live a lie and I'm not about to start now. Not for you, not for anyone.
Hey I can empathise with you a bit, my mother is VERY religious, and when she found out that I had stopped bible classes to follow Wicca (Witchcraft) she blew a fuse, and I was terrified at the prospect of telling her, I could already hear all of the 'Satan worshiper' s and the 'you are going to go to the devil' lectures. After that we barely spoke for a year, but I think now she is starting to accept that I am not the person that she thought I was and is just leaving me to my own pursuits.] It took a long, long time, but we are now starting to get past it. It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not. I totally aggree with this quote, you can't live a lie forever, it will eat you up, and your brothers need to know that they cannot put you down by slagging off gay people, something that I have noticed especially in my neighbourhood is that with all the intolerance around it is becoming harder and harder to be gay in todays society, so I think the bravest thing you could have done is come out to yourself, you deserve to be commended for that, not put down. Never forget that you deserve to be happy. xx
Thanks ^^ The quotes and this really made me feel a bit of 'warmth'. Kind of like 'There's always someone there'. Yea i'm even afraid to come out to my mom as non-christian. She always tries to push religion on me, but that's off topic. Anyhow, yea, you guys are great, i feel like i could just blurt it and get on with life. I'll get there someday... I suppose right now, i'm trying more to avoid my family, i want to stay away from them for a while... just to calm down a bit before i do something a bit drastic, or at least in their books.
I've run into this situation myself. I am not very religious but I can't help but wonder. Would God condem a good person simply for being gay? It just doesn't make sense. Believe me if the Pope is willing to accept evolution then religious folk can accept the gays.
You definitely are not alone, if that provides any consolation. I had dealt with family and friends that always had something negative to say about gay people, as well. At first, I would just ignore it, but now, like yourself, it has got to the point where I can't put up with it anymore. I do realize that they do not know about my sexuality; I'm sure that that is one great reason why they openly expressed their negative feelings about homosexuality around me. With that said, I can also definitely understand the fear of people finding out, too. But like I tell myself, if friends and family really love you, they will accept you for who you are. And they will be happy that you are happy. Their love will be unconditional. Just remember: THEY have the problem if they don't accept you, and NOT you.
Hey there, of course this is not something that you can rush, it is going to be an awkward conversation to say the very least, but there is no reason to make it worse by bringing it on prematurely. When you feel ready to tell your family about yourself, then you say what you need to say, but not before. And no matter what happens remember that we are here for you.(&&&)
Honestly... they might be gay. Or may have wondered if they were or something of the sort. Often people react to issues that hit close to home... And if it helps, I have friends who used to make comments like that- but it was more just because that's what they thought they were supposed to think. When I came out they were way more accepting then I thought they would be- their words had been highly exaggerated. And hopefully... you're family loves you. That should win out above all. Good luck
I have a similar situation, I am out to all my friends and such, especially at college. I'm out to my minister back home and a few cousins. Take your time with family, but in the end if they truly love you, they will have your back and accept you for being who you really are.
