Well I think I finally accepted myself for who I am, and now I need to fix a lot about myself. The past year I was in major depression, and I know I am not being myself may be a reason for that. I have arguments with my family almost constantly, and I rather be by myself just to avoid it. I gain about a good 60 pounds within the past two years as well, not because of my eating patterns, but because I absolutely do not do anything. Depression has been really struggle in November-March 2008, and then for the past couple weeks or so I finally been okay with myself. Now I want to tell someone I am gay, but most likely I will never tell my aunt because she thinks gays are a waste; a distant cousin is a lesbian and she's beautiful so she said it was a waste. My grandma thinks it's the most awful thing to be, like as long as your not gay, even though I love her a lot. She loves me a lot, so I may be underestimating, but still I think that's her worse nightmare. My mother would probably be more accepting, but may used it to embarrass me, or I would upset her a lot that my relationship with her will never be okay. She has no idea, even though I think she may have a hunch, since I never dated a girl like most teenage guys do. But I think she may think I am just depress and shy, which I was, but that's because I am afraid the world would reject me for who I am. Our relationship is horrible, so I don't think now would be the right time. My dad has nothing to do with my life; he will never know. I have another year of high school ahead, but I don't know if I should tell or just be quiet for another year....I can't be out at high school *I believe it's somewhat accepting*, since I have a brother there, and he will hear. He will probably tell my family, and I don't want that at all, I have to have total control over this. I just a whole lot of issues of my identity, since if I don't come out, then I'll just be locked in someone that I don't want to be. With me coming out, then I'll have more control over my life, and do the things that I want to do without being afraid or worried. I think I am getting close to tell... if I don't then I am just standstill only to go backwards.
I'm in the exact same position as you are. I would love to come out, but I just can't do it. I just want you to know that it is totally OK to be LGBT. It is most definitely natural (I first crushed on another guy when I was 6). If anyone is homophobic towards you, you should punch them in the face. Seriously, just break their nose. Only if you think that they might hit you, though. You wouldn't want to get arrested. Good luck. xoxo Alex
jack there are no rules saying you have to come out,in your mind your out already live the way you want,wait till you go to university or leave the house,you decide to who and when you want to come out,have a party full of friends that you know will be accepting then make the announcement,sure if you came out it would be a big release off your shoulders,but again causes more grief as well,on the ignorant people ,i came out to a few people friends at work ,they were really supportive,but now one guy is really shying away from me,doesn't want to talk or have that same closeness as before,its hurtful, had i not said anything ,things would be more comfortable, but at the same time i wouldn't be my new self either, don't rush things until you know for sure you have a supportive group of people you can count on,there are no rules saying you have to come out when you know your gay,patients is key,positive attitude is key,respect yourself and your own judgements not on how others will feel towards you,your young and you have a big life in front of you with time on your side,i wish the best for you.
I'd say you need to get to a point where you don't care who knows that you're gay. When you're there, THEN you have REALLY accepted yourself. I'm not saying that to judge or suggest that you 'should' have already accepted yourself. I didn't fully accept myself until I was in my mid 30s! So I'm not one to say that. I think it's awesome that you're coming to understand who you are and why you have felt the way you do. So just keep doing that. And the answer to your question about when to come out will answer itself. Remember, whether people like your aunt or your grandma know or not, you're still gay. You have to wander around in fear of them finding out, and they get to wander around blissfully ignorant of how much they are hurting you and hurting every other gay person that might be within ear-shot. Coming out to them - when you're confident and comfortable in your own skin - would perhaps reverse those roles. YOU would be comfortable and THEY will be on the 'hot seat'. Good luck.
