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advice for coming out to immigrant parents?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by cloudkingdom, Feb 22, 2017.

  1. cloudkingdom

    Regular Member

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    Hi everyone :slight_smile:


    I apologize for spilling my life story but here it goes:

    Im about to turn 16. For 3 years I was trying to convince myself im fully straight but Im not. I think I'm starting to like guys even more than girls now and its bugging the hell out of me, im scared that I will become fully gay and my life will become harder. About the same time last year I came out to myself and accepted I'm attracted to guys. Since then Im just trying to convince myself that its okay to be gay/bi.



    Ive come out to a couple close friends. They were really supporting and i was relieved to tell them. One of them suspected it but the others were really surprised when I told them (I don't act stereotypically gay at all))

    Some of my friends are close internet friends. One of them, lets call him Cody, came out as gay to me first and we talked for a year and a half. We were really, really, good friends. But about a while ago, (not going to get into the unnecessary details) his family found out he was gay. Cody lives in a really homophobic, Conservative Christian family in oklahoma. His mom totally reacted badly and told him he cant be gay, its a sin, etc etc. She also said he cant talk to anyone online and banned him from using any social media accounts. He left the internet and said I cant talk to him anymore. This was devastating, it kind of scared me and made me paranoid about people finding out.




    However, that was a while ago, and now ive recovered from the ordeal. I feel like I want to come out to my parents. I think it will help me feel more free and relieved because I hate hiding things. Ive come to terms with Myself and now that im turning 16 I think i want to tell them.

    Bit of background; Im born and raised in NorCal. My parents and most of my family here are originally from India. My parents are liberal on most things, my dad especially. But I actually cannot predict how they will react. My family is of the Hindu faith and my religion is accepting of homosexuality, so I doubt that would be an issue. Culture however is an issue.

    In india gay marriage isnt even a topic, in fact sexuality is rarely discussed. In my household my parents rarely if ever talk about sexuality, straight or otherwise. My dad is okay with gay marriage but my mom has said she doesnt like it. My mom teases me sometimes about if I like girls, and if I ever dated a girl (I havent yet but if i did) I think they would initially be kind of weirded out by it but allow it.

    But.......i noticed i have become more interested in guys recently, and i have a crush on this guy from school (not sure if he is gay/bi or not, I think its a possibility)

    I only want to come out to my parents as of now. I honestly dont know how they would react but I doubt it would be too bad. They are modern and accepting in most aspects.

    The main issue would be my grandparents and extended family. They would not take it well, let alone understand. My grandmother says she hates gays and thinks they are mentally ill. My other relatives would probably frown on it but I doubt it would be too bad. If I dated a guy id keep it secret from them. If I told my parents I would ask them not to tell the rest of the family.


    Are there any out there (Indian-Americans maybe?) who have coming out experiences, or advice I can draw from?

    Im actually not sure what to tell my parents. I dont want them to jump to conclusions. But I think I should tell them, i think i would feel better if they knew and accepted it.

    Can anyone offer some words of wisdom?

    Sorry for making this a long post..and thanks in advance :grin:
     
  2. Smores

    Regular Member

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    Only come out to who you feel obligated too. If you're worried talk about sexuality around them to get an idea of how they'd react. If you're worried you won't be able to say it start with I need to tell you something