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Parents can tell if their kids are gay from birth

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Monina, Feb 22, 2017.

  1. Monina

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    Hi!! so basically I am a bisexual girl who's dating a woman for the first time. I am absolutely completely in love and hope to spend the rest of my life with her. My parents found out I'm bisexual in december but they don't believe me and think my girlfriend is manipulating me to think I like girls. They said you can basically tell who's gay from birth apparentky and gave me lots of examples of kids you could tell who actually came out as young adults. They say I've always been straight and that they could tell since I was little that I was reeeeeally into boys, which is true. However, I obviously denied that part of my identity until I fell so in love that I just couldn't avoid it anymore. Is it maybe that with bisexuals you can't tell as much because the telltale signs are different? What can I do so they believe me?
     
  2. Chip

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    They are completely full of crap. No one absolutely knows.

    There may be some kids that have some fairly obvious gender variant signs early in life, but even that isn't proof that they are gay or lesbian.

    It's a little hard to educate ignorant people. You might consider an approach something like "Look, you can say and believe whatever you want. And it isn't going to change the truth. If you refuse to accept who I am, and cling to your incorrect beliefs, all you're going to do is damage our relationship. So, really, it's up to you whether or not you choose to believe me, and have an authentic relationship, or choose to believe the false reality you've created and alienate me."
     
  3. Moonsparkle

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    I sense I am much older than you...but I can tell you that you aren't alone with what you are going through with your parents!

    My parents are much older, set in their ways and beliefs for sure. And I got the same sort of response when they found out I was in a relationship with a woman, after always being with men. Same comments, including, 'well this is just a path (girlfriend) led you down..you wouldn't have thought of this if it wasn't for her....' and the common, 'this is a phase...'

    I basically told them that their inability to acknowledge, believe, that I am a lesbian doesn't make it any less true.

    And that was that. Of course I don't live with them and I am not financially dependent on them. We get together a couple times a month, and haven't discussed this any further--I know I can't 'make them believe' anything--but I know the truth. And fortunately my siblings have been awesome, and I know I can share my real and authentic self with them-- and they'll be supportive! :slight_smile:

    Chips advice seems really solid to me!
     
  4. Loveislife

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    When I came out, my parents said to me: 'we wouldn't have been surprised if your brother had come out, but you...' My brother is straight. So yeah. There's no such thing as a flawless gaydar for parents.
     
  5. Snow

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    That is absolutely rubbish. When I came out to my parents, they were shocked and didn't suspect it at all, but they are ok with it. I don't know about you, but I don't think gaydars exist. If they do then mine is FUBAR.
     
  6. Lexington

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    If this were true, why would people EVER have to come out to their parents? I mean, they'd KNOW, right? :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
  7. SeaMonkey

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    I think parents can sometimes think they know they their kids better than the kids themselves, but really I don't think they can. I had this with my parents - and coming out to them has been a process of them adjusting to a different view of me than what they had previously.
     
  8. Andrew99

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    My mom said I was always a sweet baby so she always wondered if I would be gay. She said she was pretty sure by the time I was 3. Her predictions were correct. :slight_smile:
     
  9. Tamatia

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    Maybe the telltale signs are different with children who will grow up to be bi, but

    1. in order for their claim to hold true, they are basically denying the existence of bisexuals, or else lumping them in with all homosexuals, which is stupid because anyone who has known bisexuals should realize they aren't the same (and besides, gay people aren't cookie cutter, either)... and

    2. it's true that some parents have been able to successfully predict their kid's sexuality, but that means absolutely nothing. How many parents have been unable to predict that their kid would grow up to become a celebrity? Or a criminal? Or (fill in the blank)?

    Being a parent doesn't give you a package deal on super parent powers. Some people really are clueless, and having a kid won't change that. Sayings like “a mother/father always knows” may be popular on Facebook or anywhere parents congregate, but it's just a bunch of people patting themselves on the back.

    Of course, telling your parents this is another matter. I hope you've gotten some good ideas from the other posts, since clearly all I'm doing is venting... *sheepish*
     
  10. Iliricon

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    To add a small anecdote: I have a friend, the smaller brother of my closest girl friend who is so effeminate, he basically doesn't need to come out.

    He came out to his parents a couple of months ago basically like this:
    Son: "Guys, I have to tell you something"
    Dad: "Son, you are gay, we know, it's great"
    Mom "WTF, my son is gay????"
    The whole family just looked at her confused and couldn't believe that mom had missed something that obvious. So parents can be completely oblivious to anything like that.

    My father was pretty surprised, my mom said: "Well, I thought you were bi, but gay is also ok" So it varies a lot.
     
  11. A Number

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    Eh, I think it's possible to have an inkling of your child's orientation but it isn't possible to know for certain. Otherwise there wouldn't be a need to come out, huh? :lol:
     
  12. annieonmymind

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    many parents are clouded by their discrimination to not see the "signs", so no, not everybody can tell from birth. my parents didn't. people tend to have this view of "it's okay if other people are, as long as it's not in my family," and that point of view blocks them from seeing what's right in front of them.

    i am so, so, so terribly sorry that your parents aren't reacting nicely. i hope that you and your girlfriend have a very happy relationship! <3