Hello first I'd like to introduce myself as James. This isn't my real name and the reason I haven't chosen my real name is to be safer. I'm from Spain and I'm still learning english so maybe you don't understand the whole point. I forgive you If you cannot give me an answer because of my writing. I'm 15 years old and I'll be 16 in two weeks. I've got a very strong personality and I reject everyone who bothers me or implies something about my sexuality. My parents don't know anything about my "gayness" although four years ago they caught me talking to a gay guy. Then they got mad at me. They yelled at me, told them that I thought I liked the guys (I liked them and I was clear but I was not sure if they would accept me). My mother started to understand it but my father later asked me that if I liked to get things up my ass, that that wasn't right. That phrase has marked me a lot. In the end I told them that it was a phase (they had told me so I thought that if I told them I would be left alone) and that I was not gay. They took my cell phone away for a year and it was all over. Now things have changed a lot and my parents have divorced. I live with my father because my mother did things that do not count. My father thinks that I am very focused on my studies (I am) but I lack social life and I regret not having told the truth. Now a boy who once considered a good friend but who for two years I like. He is the only person who pays attention me in the sense of responding to me in messages and in person. However, my fear that he would not accept me made him write a letter on Saint Valentine's day and sent it from another telephone number. I do not know if he's gay. The only thing I know is that when we meet, we look each other and in the summer I tickled him and then leaned on my hand. I do not know if this is an important fact but when he answered the message after talking to him, he said: Goodbye. He does not know that I wrote the message but it has affected me a lot. In two weeks as I said it'll be my birthday, and I have invited him to stay with more friends in common. Now I ask: I say I'm gay (and I risk everyone saying) or do nothing. I don't like anything the option of coming out ... it would depress me more than I am now ... I would love someone to help me. Thank you in advance for having read my story. If you have any question ask
Hey James, Welcome to EC! I'm very sorry that you are currently living in such an unaccepting environment.:icon_sad: I was a little confused when you said about your friend: Did you mean that YOU wrote him a Valentine letter and sent it from another phone? Because you have a crush on him? When he answered the Valentine letter with “Good-bye”, was that on the other phone that he doesn’t know is yours? So you are asking if you should Come Out to him, if I understand correctly. From what you have written, I would not advise you to do so. First, based on what you wrote about his response to your Valentine letter, it doesn’t seem likely that he is gay or bi. Also, nothing that you have written indicates to me that he has any of the same feelings for you that you have for him. Please understand that when we have a crush on someone, our emotions often overpower our logical thinking. We usually project our feelings on the person that we have a crush on. All of that is not to say that you shouldn’t necessarily Come Out to him, but I think you should explore whether or not he is even LGBTQ-friendly first. You can do that by introducing LGBTQ issues into conversation and asking his opinion. Such as “in class today, we had a discussion about gay marriage – what do you think about that?” And any LGBTQ issues that come up in the news or in everyday life could be a good way to talk to him about those kinds of issues and try to get a feeling as to whether or not he is at least and LGBTQ ally. And there doesn’t seem to be any reason at all to let him know that you have a crush on him – telling him that may very well effect your friendship with him. I don’t know if that helps you…
Yeah, I sent it to him with another phone number so he didn't know I sent it: i don't know if he is gay or not.. I didn't want to risk it. Thanks for everything
I think that if you really like him and he is really a good friend then you should just come out to him and see how he reacts and feels.
I had found myself in a relatively similar situation concerning your friend. I agree that you should find out somehow if he supports the LGBT community before doing anything else. In my situation, I already knew he was supportive. I came out to him, and as I had suspected, he was very supportive. So, let's say you come out to him. What you do after that depends on a few things: (DISCLAIMER: This is in no way professional advice. These are simply things I considered when I was in a similar situation to you regarding your friend) 1) How did he react to you coming out? This one's pretty obvious. If he comes out as well, then where to go is obvious. If he reacts poorly, your direction from there is also obvious. If he's supportive or more neutral, then the other factors come into consideration. 2) How do you think telling him you like him will affect your friendship? This could go a lot of different ways. Things could become really weird between you, he could like you as well, you could become closer as friends...there's a lot of possibilities. If there's a good chance of a positive reaction, you could tell him. 3) How are your feelings already affecting your friendship? In my case, this was the ultimate deciding factor. Things were going to be weird for me anyways, and I wasn't sure if I could handle that. This is really all a matter of how you feel. If things already feel weird for you, and he is accepting when you come out, then telling him (probably) won't make things much worse. If you're ok with the dynamic between you two, see the above. I hope this was helpful. Good luck with whatever you decide!:eusa_ange
