So, I'm trans, and I have come out to my mom and dad, but not my 19 year old big brother. Although my parents are accepting and okay with me, I'm not sure my brother will be. We've had quite heated arguments before about transgender people and the LGBT community. He says he's fine with gay people but thinks transgender people are mentally ill and should be put on some medication to fix it. During one of our arguments I asked him if I were trans would he respect me and my pronouns, to which I got the strict answer "No, never." I want to tell him because it feels wrong keeping this between just me and our parents, but at the same time I'm so afraid of what will happen. There's a very high chance that he won't accept me and it might ruin our relationship as siblings. I just feel bad about keeping this from him, I feel like he has the right to know.
Yeah, this could be a problem. While I do agree transgender people are mentally ill (they literally have a disorder called gender dysphoria), maybe you should ask your parents what they think you should do in this situation.
Since your parents know, you should probably discuss it with them. They support you and so should defend you if they hear your brother speaking against trans people like that. But they might feel its not their place to tell your brother something about you that is so personal. Would you prefer them to tell him outright? If you don't want your parents to tell him, then maybe you could ask them to try and influence his way of thinking in a more subtle manner. If your brother hears your parents talking about trans people in a positive light, then it might have a change on his attitude.
Hi HeythereAlex, I agree with others here that your parents may be able to help you with telling your brother and helping him to find acceptance with you. Please know that his acceptance or non-acceptance of you is about him, not you, and you have little power to change that. I also wanted to comment on this post here: Please be careful, Naos210, about statements like this. Although gender dysphoria is listed in the DSM, it is important note a couple of things: 1. Not all transgender people experience gender dysphoria 2. Gender dysphoria is recognized in the DSM as not being pathological if it does not cause the individual distress. 3. Distress (the symptom of dysphoria) isn't caused by the transgenderism. It is not an inherent part of being transgender. This is what sets it apart from other disorders in the DSM. The disorder arises as a result of a culture that stigmatizes people who do not conform to gender norms. Therefore, it is not a "mental illness" in and of itself. The mental disorder only comes about if the transgender individual develops distress in relation to either their transgenderism or of their family/social circles/society. It is not correct to call transgenderism a mental illness. This only stigmatizes the trans community further. Take care. ride:
While my parents do support me and are accepting of me, they had almost never heard of anything called transgender before, so they're still new to it and I think they are still processing it. When me and my brother argued about the LGBT community and transgender people, they don't really say anything except telling us to stop it. While I do think it would be better if my parents told him, since me and him really can't have such a conversation without us arguing, I don't know how to tell them about it or ask them to do it.
Hey, I want to emphasize that its amazing that you already told your parents, which I'd imagine to be a big step. My advice would be to yes, tell it your brother yourself, but to ask your parents how to tackle this. If you tell them you want to come out to your brother, ask them to protect you and be there for you. Maybe its understandable that your brother has to get used to it, but its just the way how you are and theres nothing you can do about it. I think its important to talk about it with your parents how to tell your brother, but also to accept that it costs time. I want to wish you all the luck in the world, I really respect you for coming how far you did!
