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Failed Relationship...But Why?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by jcary425, Apr 15, 2009.

  1. jcary425

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    So sometime around november my best friend and I started going out. Everything seemed fine. We were happy, we still acted like best friends, able to tell each other everything and now make sexual advances on each other. It was an amazing intimacy. BUt in January we broke up. At first he told me it was because it was doing things to our friendship... That seemed funny to me so one day I sent him a text message apologizing for everything that I did wrong in the relationship: being possesive, jealous, stuff like that. THen he replied saying none of those things ever made him mad, and that the reason why he broke up with me is because he never loved me, and was only in it for the sex and physical pleasure. (Just to note, we never actually had sex)

    So I was depressed... I never ate I never slept. BUt we still hung out and talked like best friends. I told him I might move with my mom and he told me not to, that he'd be sad if I did. That was wierd. So I asked him why and he said because I was irreplaceable. That was even wierder why do you tell people that you don't love stuff like that. During lunch he began feeding me because I wouldn't eat, and when I say feeding me I mean airplaning me food. My friend shook her head and asked him when I left the room how could he care about my body and not my heart and then she asked if he'd ever go out with me again and he said he didn't know he had to think about it. MY friend's really nosy and she also asked him if he'd fight her over me and his answer was he'd do whatever I wanted him to. What the heck!?

    Well as my depression worsened he made me promise that I wouldn't give up. I asked him why and he said because if I give up, then he'll give up on me. A few weeks later, he texted me saying"I GIVE UP." That really hurt, and it was totally random. I texted him back but he didn't reply. So two days later I went to his house after the sat and talked to him sorta. I asked to make a promise to do something and he said no and when I asked why he said he was returning the favor(I'm assuming he thought I gave up). and then I told him I kept my promise and its not my fault he didn't know that. Then when I asked him about his text message he got all quiet looked down then back at me and said that he took it back.


    It really bothers me that he treats me really wierd but he never loved me? He was only in it for the physical pleasure right? Well then how come when we started going out the only thing we did was kiss. When I wanted to go further he told me no. HE would tell me that we needed to wait til we could read each others minds. A few more weeks passed before we started doing things... We still never did it though. We'd talk about it, and he'd ask me if I wanted to and when I'd say I wasn't sure or no he'd say ok. HE was the first one to say I love you... God I miss him. He was so sweet, I was always afraid he'd leave me for someone else but he'd always reassure me. He'd say the sweetest things... but not anymore. I don't get him HOw can someone go from telling you they'd go anywhere just to be with you to telling you they only think of getting back with you when they're horny. I don't knpw what to think. What did I do wrong? Why doesn't he love me? Did he really never love me? But then why did he say all that stuff and act that way? Why can't I get over him?

    Can anyone tell me what went wrong? Why he broke up with me? Was he honest when he said he never loved me or when he said he loved me?
     
  2. Mickey

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    It sounds to me that he is being totally selfish.( He doesn't want you but he doesn't want anyone else to have you,either.) It seems like he's playing games with you and you should NOT let him do this.
    If you're looking for advice,I'd say to just let him go. Either that or it's just going to hurt you more and more. You have a right to be happy and I don't see this guy being the one to do it.
    Move on. There is someone out there who you can have a true and loving relationship with,but it can't happen if you don't let it.
    I wish you the best. It's all up to you.
     
  3. The Enigma

    The Enigma Guest

    The answers are all subjective but one thing seems certain. I don't believe he knows what he wants himself.
     
  4. brasilboy1

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    I agree with the Enigma. Your ex is conflicted. To say, "I love you" and mean it is a big step for some people. By his actions, i.e.: feeding you, he clearly does 'love you' --- care enough about you to worry about your well-being. Sometimes when people are conflicted over love, emotions run riot, sweeping from positive to negative seemingly at random. Somehow those emotions must find resolution, but we don't know how. In seeking to resolve these emotional conflicts we can do some pretty awful and selfish things to others, even those we care about.

    Ultimately the call is up to you. If you have been friends for a long time and have been really close in the past, don't give up --- don't give up on him. Bring these conflicting statements to the fore for him, let him know just how you feel he is toying with you and how that makes you feel. It is absolutely essential that communications not break down. If that happens, even the friendship you once had may be gone forever or for a very long time.

    Be patient.... "love endures all things..."
     
  5. Maddy

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    Your ex sounds a little bit like mine. Sometimes she'd tell me that she loved me, at other times she'd say that she didn't want to be with me and she only thought she did when she was stoned. Looking back, I think she was pretty immature and not ready to commit to a relationship, and that sounds like it's the case with your ex too. It's not your fault, and you can't make him wise up and realise what he's missing out on, that has to come from his own mind. (*hug*)
     
  6. Jim1454

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    How old are you? It doesn't say under your avatar... so I'm assuming you're in high school.

    Try to keep things in perspective. "Love" when you're in high school is very different from "love" in your 20s and "love" in your 30s. Different things are important. Different milestones exsist in relationships.

    You 'dated' for roughly 3 months. You learned some things about him. You learned some things about yourself. That's all good. I'd say you need to let go a little and move on. Yes - he really does seem to be confused. That's his problem, not yours.

    Yes - it's shitty that he 'used' you that way. But moping about it and refusing to eat really doesn't sound like a healthy way to cope with this. Telling him or someone else like a counsellor would be more appropriate and allow you to 'move on'.

    Good luck. There is someone else in your future - but if you're going to be sad and depressed they're not likely going to want to get involved, and you may be missing out on a great opportunity to be with someone who is genuine and real. You are responsible for your mood and attitude - nobody else.