How do I fully come out to my family without loosing them?

Hey Ruby, just want to start this off by saying that I saw your reply on my post and I thought since we're basically in the same boat I would offer any kind of advice I could but just a reminder that we are in the same boat, so this doesn't come from a place of experience or success but just what I've seen from others and how I feel right now.

People can surprise you in ways you couldn't imagine. I've seen countless videos and posts from people in the past months saying that their parents or family were extremely religious, extremely conservative, extremely homophobic, extremely whatever but the love that they have for their own can completely change that. A lot of people are completely against the idea of someone being LGBT and you may think that because of this, there's no way they will accept you or care for you. But the fact is that most of those people have never had someone that they love be that way. They think it's some unfathomable, undesirable trait that they could never be okay with until someone that is their own flesh and blood becomes that thing which they hate, and they end up choosing love over hate.

Now I really am in the exact same boat as you, because I've heard my grandparents say homophobic things, I've heard how they feel about gay people and how against it they are. I'm terrified to tell them more than anyone in the world, but there is a very small part of me that believes that because they have loved me for the nearly 17 years I've been alive, they will find a way to look the other way and accept me. Even if you're right, even if you come out to your grandma and she won't even speak to you, I think she could still surprise you because that initial shock and disbelief doesn't last forever. People are capable of overcoming biases when it comes to the people they love, that's what I believe and I hope for both our sakes that I'm right.

 

Hey Ruby Dakota,

I'm sorry that you live in such an unaccepting environment.:icon_sad:

For now, if your parents know, but just don't talk about your sexuality, can you simply try to continue to just be you and not talk about your sexuality around your grandmother? You certainly shouldn't Come Out to anyone if you aren't ready and comfortable doing so. It sounds like you are a long way from being comfortable Coming Out to your grandmother.

Having said that, is there any reason to push the issue right now? Sure, she'll probably continue to criticize your clothes and haircut, but can you just blow that off? Heck there are other straight teens out there who wears clothes out the mainstream and prefer non-mainstream haircuts (like Goths, etc) who have to deal with that same issue, especially with family members from the older generations.

I don't know if that helps you...

 

I think you should tolerate the conditions of your household until you become financially, psychically, and mentally stable. If someone cuts you off because of your sexual orientation, then that only shows how narrow-minded and horrible they are. It seems like your interaction with your parents is forced. If you can, try to communicate your thoughts and feelings to your parents. Do you think they will have a negative reaction if you communicate to them?

Unfortunately, if you live under your parent's roof, you are still going to have to follow their rules and be respectful of them. Until you get your own place, you may have these issues. But that doesn't mean you have to be miserable. Do you have any accepting friends? Are there people that you can be yourself around? Your answers to these questions may help.

If you want to avoid getting yelled at, I think you try to listen to your parents, just to ease the tension in the household. Even if things aren't going well at home, there is a community of people on this forum that care about you.

I wish you luck.