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Coming out in college

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by drake86, Apr 16, 2009.

  1. drake86

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    It is my senior year in college and I still have not come out. I am about to graduate and am wondering if I should come out when I am still around my friends. I feel like it is kind of a cowardly way out to wait and come out when I am not around all of my friends. Part of me wants to come out at shool so that I can talk to my friends face to face and explain my situation and answer any questions. On the other hand I dont want to have to deal with this for the rest of my last semester. Any thoughts? I am also gitting sick of having to come up with excuses on why I dont want to go back to a girls place when she asks me to take her home. I feel bad ditching girls because its rude and an ahole move but at the same time I'm gay and dont want to hook up with them.
     
  2. MLCarr

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    Well I'm going to bet that if you've been with these friends for all 4 years of college, they probably have it figured out. Even the best at hiding let things slip every now and then. And they probably wonder why you haven't had a girlfriend all through college...

    What would I do? Go out with the friends and just drop it on them all at once. Yes, it sounds scary, but hey at least you only have to say it once! Start a pro con list, I know it sounds lame, but it works and lets you get your fears out on paper. If you want to take this idea start with this:

    Pro
    -only say it once
    -if one or two have a bad reaction the others will probably back you up
    -you don't have to worry about their reactions when school is out

    Con
    -in a public place could be awkward
    -you might lose a few good friends...
    -you might have to deal with an explosion just before finals of your senior year

    Just go with what feels right. (*hug*)
     
  3. Jim1454

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    In my opinion - you've made it this far without telling people. I'd wait and not complicate your last semester with this. You don't have many weeks to go, do you?

    The reality is that of all the friends you have, there are likely only a handful that you'll stay in touch with afterwards, and you'll have lots of opportunity to come out to them then.

    You could back off in terms of leading these girls on though. Unless they are just spontaneously and randomly asking you to come back to their place. Focus on your schooling and finish up your degree with a bang. And THEN move on.
     
  4. Just Adam

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    i understand the need to just say hey im gay and the probs with not beeing around girls and im sure leting them down is hard to do cos of thier feelings but you cant feel bad about beeing who u are cos of them they will be fine move on find someone, i think you should wait and tell your friends theyre more important and as much as they ow it to you and your friendship to be supportive you ow it to them and your friendship to tell your friends yourself not let them hear about it from others it can hurt and once they know they can support u in telling others as fact is not everyone in life will take it well but your friends if they really are will and theyre more important than just other people at college

    i hope it works out

    take care x
     
  5. Jay

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    >>>>I am also gitting sick of having to come up with excuses on why I dont want to go back to a girls place when she asks me to take her home. I feel bad ditching girls because its rude and an ahole move but at the same time I'm gay and dont want to hook up with them.


    The only excuse I imagine you can still use is "No, thanks, I'm gay".

    :slight_smile:

    The thing is that I understand how this small issue of not coming out can affect you in such a way. At the end, spontaneous, random coming out to people are the best way to start. And well, they don't really need to affect you in a negative way: Having the liberty to be just yourself can give you the chance to focus more into studies than how to "act straight" and you can also show your friends your wish to remain being friends with them even after school ends.

    I'd say, go for it :grin:
     
  6. Alex19

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    yea, theres really no rush. as for the girls, tell them to pop off! lol but seriously, i think it best to just keep yourself out of situations where they would ask u that, if u can.
     
  7. Coldflame

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    I'm going to agree with Jim on this one. I decided to start coming out at the beginning of my first year in university. Big mistake. I did not expect it to put so much stress and pressure on me. A lot of the time I felt like school was not even important compared to it. It definitely affected my grades. I would concentrate on school first.
     
  8. joeyconnick

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    It's definitely better to tell people in person, I find, but it is generally true that you don't stay friends with everyone you are friends with in college. Sooo... you might compromise and tell 1 or 2 of your best friends, the ones you are most confident you will continue to hang out with/keep in touch with after you graduate.

    And yes, it can be a lot to deal with but if it goes well, it might make your final semester a hell of a lot more memorable. In a good way, I mean
     
  9. joeyconnick

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    Except that when is the best time then? At least during first year unless you flunk out your grades won't have that much of an impact on the rest of your university "career." I came out after my 2nd year and my grades for my final years of my degree did definitely suck (compared to the first two) which would have been pretty frustrating if I had wanted to continue on to grad school in that field.

    The truth is, though, that school ISN'T remotely important compared to coming out. :slight_smile:
     
  10. Coldflame

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    Okay, first of all, I agree 100% about school not being remotely important compared to coming out.

    My last statement was based on my own personal experiences. Looking at in once more, I realize that I was perhaps under different than normal circumstances. I am currently trying to switch to a different faculty to get into the major I want, which would impact the rest of my university career. My now less-than-wonderful grades may pose a big problem in this. This is why I regret coming out at this time.

    That being said, I had forgotten how much the desire to come out can affect ones self. I personally started to get the desire to come out during the summer, when I had nothing other than a job going on at the time. I can't really say how keeping it pent up will affect your stress level. You may feel that holding it in is affecting your ability to do well. Or maybe not. I guess my best advice at this point would be to do what you think is best for YOU. I don't see it as cowardly to come out after you've graduated, so if you feel you wish to choose this option, then there is no shame in that. On the other hand, if you really feel the need to come out, than perhaps that is the best course of action.