Divorcing parents

whoa... id b so pissed if my mom did that. i can only imagine your father is enraged, to say the least, and his best friend no longer is... i wish i knew what to say, but im at a loss for words. but i do feel sorry for u.

 

carrie first *hugs*

i understand its tough to understand your mom. what she did was terrible. i feel bad for your dad. but if she is going to be like that maybe your dad should find someone new. people in love dont cheat and if they arent in love then he should just forget her.

i know it may be hard but one day yo will forgive her. she is your mother.

im sorry you came out in a fight but at least it is done with. *hugs*

 

As much as I feel the pain, you should try not to hate. There is a big big BIG storm in your house going on already, and you'll be hurting more than helping if you're fueling it with hate.

What should you do? As much as your parents are... your PARENTS, their divorce is none of your business. However, the way they treat you IS your business, so if you feel the divorce is making them treat you in a condescending or mean or disrespectful way then tell them. You're not the reason they're getting divorced, and nothing you did made them take that decision. It's their business and divorced or not, you're still their daughter.

Using your homosexuality - or bisexuality, sorry! - to make your mom feel miserable was something I don't think was right. You're in all your right to feel shitty and to be upset with her, but releasing your anger in that way might not be the best way. Do you have any counselors in your school? Or how long until you go to college?

Getting out of that hate environment might be the top priority for you now. Ask a friend if you can stay over for some time, or a close family member that isn't involved in this issue. GET HELP. You can't make your parents get together, or cancel the divorce, but you can at least make the best out of them if you have a positive attitude and if you find ways to release you anger without hurting them.

In the meantime, EC will always be here, and we'll always hear you and advice you and give you FREE HUGS! (*hug*) (*hug*)

 

First of all, I know it may not be what you want to hear, but you are completely out of order using your sexuality as a weapon. Yes, your mom has hurt you, but that does not give you the right to hurt her back.

For one thing, it's going to be tough on her too. Everyone in the family is looking at her with shame and blame, and she probably feels none too proud of it herself. Divorce ain't pretty, but there must have been some reason for your mom going off with your dad's best friend; for all you know she may have dealt with problems in the relationship her own way (not the best way, I hasten to add, but one that she felt worked for her).

Like I said, divorce ain't pretty, so your mom's probably frustrated by that, feeling bogged down by everyone around her blaming her, and you deliberately try to hurt her. No matter what she's done, she's still your mother, and she doesn't deserve to have something used against her at a time when she's vulnerable.

But what's done is done now, and you're going to have to deal with it, whether your mom accepts it or not, you'll have to cross that bridge when it comes.

As for the divorce itself, it's not going to be easy on you, and I know you're pissed at your mom, but you cannot abandon her at a time like this. All three of you (plus any siblings you may have) are going to be upset easily and it's going to hurt like hell. I can understand if your parents don't resolve their arguments, but you will have to do what I cannot stress enough at a time like this; communicate and communicate well. Let your father know that you are there for him and talk to him about how you feel. As for your mother, I suggest you apologise for using your sexuality to hurt her, but make your reasons known, and let her tell you her side of the story. Let her explain to you just why she did it. I was angry at my mom for a long while when she left my dad, because it was her that wanted the divorce and I couldn't understand why. But I listened to her, and I am so glad I did, because she is my mom, and if I had let my anger build up, I would have shut her out my life. You have to talk to her; let her know that you are mad at her, but give it time for her to speak her piece. You may never forgive her, but don't shut her out just because of her mistake. It's not worth losing your mom over.

 

i think we all understand your pain and what your mom did,we cant change how you feel,but we are all bi-gay or les, and we try to fight to maintain a proper understanding,you using your coming out against your mom instead of it being a celebration, you used it as a emotional weapon to hurt your mom, in our eyes its your but to you it felt justified,only fueled by anger and hurt, your family is split apart that will never get back, divorce is a very hard thing for kids to handle, but you still have a mother and father ,that never changes,its your dad that will have to bare alone,but with your compassion you will make it easier on him,the sooner you work on creating a positive atmoshere,the quicker your new family will heal, communication is key,understanding and patience is needed in these dark times, look after your dad and your siblings they need you more than ever now,be their rock . i wish the very best for your happiness,and wish you could of come out in a more joyous time.

 

Carrie, Holly was spot on with her advice. Listen to her!

You say your mom destroyed the one thing that was most important to you......your family. The problem with this is you will STILL have your family after the divorce. It will be different but its still a family. Usually people have affairs because things aren't right at home. Sometimes the other person makes them feel "special" when the spouse at home rarely compliments them. It happens for alot of reasons. Its not all one-sided. Please....take a deep breathe and try to make peace with your mom.

 

I'm so sorry about the divorce. It's really hard to have to deal with that sort of thing (believe me, I know). Fortunately, my parents divorced when I was about two years old, so I didn't have to go through the emotional hell of divorce. Just be who you are and do only what you pleases you. It is your duty as a human to do what makes you happiest, and if someone else says that that is wrong, then they are wrong because they are not fit to judge you.

xoxo Alex

 

I'm sorry to hear what you're going through. But try to be understanding.

Your happiness isn't your parents' ONLY concern in life. They need to be happy themselves with their situation if they are to be 'present' for you and to address your needs. So if your mom got to the point where she was so unhappy that she turned to someone else, then this is perhaps for the best.

Unfortunately, this kind of separation could get very ugly. I hope EVERYONE involved takes the 'high road', accepts some responsibility, accepts that things are over, and does what is best for you and your siblings. That doesn't always happen - but I'm hoping. *fingers crossed*

As Becky said, having a different family doesnt mean your life will be worse - just different. Your mom and dad might end up meeting other partners that are better suited to each of them, making them both happier, and better able to address your needs at the same time.

Good luck though. This is going to be a very difficult time. You can PM me any time if you want to or need to chat about it.

 

Hi Carrie,
I'm very sorry about the divorce of your parents (*hug*), I can understand your pain, but I don't think your attitude with your mother will help you to get throught this.
I can understand why you are angry with your mother, but you don't have to judge her. Whatever she had done, it is between her and your father. Despite what you might think, you don't know everything about your parent's relationship. Nobody really knows what's going on in a couple except from the people involved in the couple itself. You mother probably had her reasons (good or bad) to do what she had done, and the only person she had to answer about it is your father.
Of course, the divorce of your parents hurts you, but trying to hurt your mother won't do you any good. Whatever what will happened next, she still will be your mother and you will need her. I'm not saying you don't have the right to let her know that you are in pain, but trying to hurt her back is not helping. I think that in fact, you are hurting yourself while doing that, especially if you are trying to use your sexuality as a weapon.
I really hope you'll find a way to deal peacefully with your mother. Try to think you are not doing it for her, but for you.
Take care and PM me if you need, (*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*) Eleanor