Ok. here goes the Queen of Vague i'm really unsure about who i am. not just my sexuality. everything, down to my favourite colour. i like to be in control but some how, i really love to let it all go. there are a few things im sure of. they say coming out makes you feel really proud of yourself, and my best friend has just come out to his step dad and he's still on a high about it. but, i came out to my mum and dad, and they're fine with me, but i feel upset and let down and left out and i don't know why. i wasn't expecting a big thrill either. the thing is, i really hate being gay. i know that i am, yeah boys are not my cup of tea. and im surrounded by support and people who love me, but i really can't stand it. every time i begin to think of a girl like that i can't help but feel sick about the thought. i feel like every one is against me. i don't want to be around anyone i've come out to because all i can think about is them knowing. i can't talk to anyone, because everyone knows and i feel uncomfortable talking about it. i think everyone is against me and hates me for being gay, but just puts on a friendly disposition to fool me into being secure. im also getting constant pushing from my ex-boyfriend, saying that he's sorry and depressed and want's me back, but i can't get him to understand that im not ready for that kind of commitment. and i really do care about him, because he's firstly a really great friend of mine and i don't want to lose him, i just don't love him back like that. what do i do? i've tried to step back and let it all happen in front of me, but i can't let go. i wan't to be in control but i'm not. any christians out there? i know God should be in control for me, but so far my life has run riot. and what about the stupid pigeon in my back garden? its been here for a week and won't leave. anything, anything at all would be very much appreciated. what little love i have left to give, its upon your heads my fellow ecers.
Ok, Myself I would be in my back garden feeding and befriending that pigeon spilling my heart out to it like a mad man... What I think you need to do is list mentally or in writing all the things that are concerning you making your life difficult right know 1. I Really Hate Being gay - Why, What is it that you don't like about yourself 2. Surround by support, but I really cant stand it - Are there being over supportive, trying to make decisions for you or pushing you into making decisions - ask them to back off a little - could it be they have been to accepting of you when you are not fully ready to accept yourself. 3. Ex Boyfriend - He needs to know fully where he stands so hopefully you don't get anymore pressure from him, but he could become your rock - sounds like you had a good understanding with him, so he might be able to help. 4. You need to step up a take control - even if it is just to tell everyone to leave you alone for a bit, so you can make your own mind up - like you said "I can't let go" so don't It's your life Hope some off this is helpful, as it my first time giving advice here - being the one normally seeking it. Good Luck and Gain control for yourself, with that I am sure things will fall into place
Have you watched Prayers for Bobby? I just watched it a couple of nights ago and it helped me a lot. (*hug*)
When you say your best friend just came out to his step dad, did you mean me? So am I your best friend? This I did not expect!
