Is he gay?

This is my first ever post on a site like this so please be kind haha. I'm on here because I'm wondering if you could give me some advice on a situation I have going on right now, it requires a bit of a back story so I will say sorry for the lengthy paragraphs now.

I'm someone who is closeted to a certain extent, I'm gay or at least feel that way and it's fairly obvious, I'm the stereotypical gay guy with girl friends, high pitched voice etc. but yet deny it. I've known this guy for about 2 years ish now and I've spoke to him a few times, we've had relatively deep chats about school life and things like that but I've always got the sense that there's more to him than meets the eye. He's 2 years older than me but he's just in the year above so he's 18, he is popular in school and hangs around with stereotypical men of his age if you can picture it. I'm trying to keep it as vague as possible yet still give you the information you need because I'm paranoid.

Basically, I feel like he flirts with me a little bit and there has been occasions where I've felt a real connection. We don't really speak much in person or over text due to the difference in friends and age but we've been to the same social events and we've spoke to eachother about a variety of things. We've texted eachother(albeit me doing the initial starter conversation and him with minimal response - they're sometimes flirtatious responses but short and a bit random) and he's shared things about his school life etc. I should probably make clear that he's straight if you hadn't of guessed or so he claims to be. He's had one girlfriend that I'm aware of but he's done things with girls but my friends have suspected him of being gay. He's always been in the back of my mind ever since I felt a connection with him but I try not to make it obvious to save myself the embarrassment.

I try not to stare at him when I see him which is A LOT but I feel that sometimes I've caught him looking at me, however, I'm not certain on this. The reason I posted this was because I hadn't saw him out in quite a while and he came up to me and we got chatting, I felt like we were flirting a little bit (eye contact, sat close, laughing) and he quite abruptly said that I was playing hard to get. He's definitely a joker and funny which is why I doubt the seriousness of this when he said it so I replied with a jokey response. I've not told anyone about anything he's ever said to me in case I'm being crazy but just some of the things he's said to me seem like he's either massively joking(which I suspect is the case) or massively flirting. I feel like I'm going crazy because for the past 3 days he's all I've been thinking about, a lot more than usual as I'd got over him ages ago. Is saying that someone is playing hard to get a normal thing to say?

I suppose I'm questioning it because being in such a popular group with 'lads' as friends, surely speaking to someone such as me is questionable because what does he want with me? Is he not embarrassed or is he just a nice guy who doesn't care? Does he have feelings for me? What are your thoughts? :bang:

P.S. Feel free to ask any questions if anything needs clarification and I also hope this is in the right section, sorry if not.

 

Yeah well I'd say I'm quite crazy about him hahah but I spoke to him last night and it was just a bit weird, like he was being off and distant with me and more of a sort of jokey flirt that a serious one. I saw him a few times today but never got the chance to see if he was looking at me because I was focusing on not staring at him far too much but tomorrow's a new day so we shall see where that takes me. I would try to speak to him more I just don't want to embarrass myself and seem like some sort of creep who doesn't leave him alone and so I'm just trying to play it cool but that'll never get me anywhere. Tough decisions.

 

Does anyone have any tips on how to work it out or how to get him to speak to me and notice me more rather than me speaking to him? He spoke to me in person the other day but it was really short, partially my own fault as I'm quite blunt in person but I just feel too awkward saying things infront of other people but I wouldn't have a problem saying it one on one.

 

I want to tell him but a bigger part of me doesn't want to. I fear rejection and whatever else may come my way but more importantly, although we don't have a massive relationship, I fear losing the little that we have. It feels like we've already lost it but deep down I know that the next time we're in a similar situation it could be the same and the cycle will start all over again, however, at the moment, it's like he doesn't even know me, he blanks me as if I don't exist yet he's all I can think about.

I just do not know what to do.

 

It's funny that Quantumreality has said that if I think he is joking then that suggests I think he doesn't mean it because I literally thought the same thing the other day. Maybe I am over analysing and trying to see things that just aren't there. I just wish he liked me the way I liked him but the time to find out is becoming shorter and shorter as he's going to university soon.

He's initiated a few conversations over Snapchat but this was a long time ago and I've done the same to him(usually drunk) and we seem to have a lot in common. I'd love to be his friend, a really close friend, even if I didn't have feelings for him because everything about him is what is desired. There's no way I'd explicitly tell him how I felt, not at this time of my life anyway, maybe when I don't have to see him ever again hahah but I know he doesn't seem to have a problem with gay people. I have a feeling he knows how I feel about him but he chooses to ignore it but at the start of this week after the weekend he tried speaking to me but it was in front of my friends and his friends so I shut him down before he had a chance.

I literally have no idea what to do and it's driving me insane, he's all I think about. Even when I'm occupied with my friends or some form of work, I still think about him and it's frustrating because I was completely over him until he said what he said in my first post.

 

Firstly, I'd like to thank you and everyone for their ongoing advice and support. I'm fairly sure he isn't homophobic in any way and I forgot to mention, he has explicitly asked what my 'status' so to speak is and I denied it but seriously considered telling him at the time but I was afraid of who he would tell. I think you're right and at this stage of my life I'll do what I did before - try and forget about him. Who knows, fate may take us to the same university or allow us to cross paths again hahah. I'm still unsure as to what to do but much clearer than before and speaking about it helps so much. I've been trying to distant myself as much as possible so let's hope it works.

If he has any form of feelings for me, he knows where he can find me.

 

I sound like I'm being sarcastic but the idea of him being bisexual didn't even cross my mind. I think that's what I'll do, I'll just wait and see if he comes to me but I could be waiting a while. I feel like he's already tried to come to me, especially in person but I feel like I've shut him out and down by my limited responses and almost bitchy attitude. It's not that I don't like him because I think we've all established I do, I really do, it's because I feel awkward and don't really know what to say to him - shy is probably the best way to describe it. Or "playing hard to get".

Having said that, I've tried to speak to him and it seems as if he is shutting me down so whether he's giving me a taste of my own medicine or he's not interested, who knows. I'd question whether it was the drink talking when he's said things to me but we've spoke a lot sober too. He's driving me mad and probably always will but I just need to get over it and hopefully that happens soon.

 

Yeah I think that could be a good idea, it's just plucking up the courage to even do so. He's said before that he isn't scared to say when another man is good looking so I thought that was quite a bold thing to say. The more I think about it, the more I feel like he's just a straight guy who isn't afraid to flirt with another guy or just jokes around for the fun of it. In a way I sort of wish he'd stop because of the amount of time I spend thinking about it and it's playing with my emotions but how does he know this when I haven't told him. In another way I obviously want him to carry on and hope that he is gay/bi. :bang:

 

Just posting a bit of an update but still asking for advice about this: the said person has touched me a few times like on my back and my side but secretly so only me and him know about it - I get the impression he doesn't want other people to know. The first time, I ignored him because I didn't want to seem happy about it and then the second time a few days later, I looked at him and we made long eye contact(like 5,6,7 seconds) and we both just gave each other a laughy smile. This isn't the first time we've made long eye contact while smiling because on another day he'd asked me something and then we did this. Also, he's squeezed past me in the corridor once and his hand sort of brushed against my back/bum but whether this was an accident or not I couldn't tell, it seemed like there was enough room but I don't know. Would you class this as flirting?

 

Hiya, sorry about my late reply but I still hope you can get back to me. I'll give you some more up to date information. He hasn't touched me since but I feel like it's because he's scared of who may see or what may be said but I feel like he purposely tries to grab my attention but in a subtle way - like he's playing me at my so called own game(playing hard to get). We continue to make eye contact, whether it be obvious eye contact where we stare at eachother for a few seconds knowing who it is or just general eye contact when checking to see who is around you. Sometimes I feel like he is looking over at my direction but it's hard to tell considering there's so many other people he could be looking at. A good example of this was something that happened the other day. I was sat down and had my back away from where he usually sits and quite far away but where I was sat, you can look out of glass and see people walk past. Now, you can get through the way where my back was to him but he walked the longer way round so that I could see him through this glass and then we made eye contact for like one or two seconds yet he was going to the same place where you can get to through the quicker way so I wondered why he did this - is it another sign?

I try grabbing his attention in more ways than one but I don't do it in an obvious way and therefore he doesn't bite but today he snap chatted me and when I replied, he just ignored me. What's all that about? Every time I begin to get over it and tell myself I'm crazy, things happen that make me doubt myself and make me think we have something.