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Coming out as genderqueer

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by QuinnA, Mar 8, 2017.

  1. QuinnA

    Regular Member

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    I'm out to my parents as bi(not technically true but it's easier for them to understand than pan(I'm quite a nervous person so if someone doesn't understand what I'm trying to say I generally stop talking about it)). I'm also questioning my gender, currently I feel that genderfluid or genderqueer fit best.
    However I'm not super close to my parents and I don't know how they'd react to it as I haven't heard them ever talk about any trans people. They are pretty accepting but it's the fear of the unknown that's mostly holding me back from saying anything.
    Also not being sure of my own identity makes me nervous to say anything, as I'm worried changing my labels too many times will make them think it's just a phase and I'm doing it for attention.
    I was wondering whether it would be better to come out to them while I'm still living with them or to wait till I'm in uni(next year, have been living out and am more certain of myself.
    Some advice would be much appreciated, but just writing out how I'm feeling about it all helps I think.
    Quinn
     
  2. Japes

    Regular Member

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    Maybe it'd help to talk to a few close friends about it first until you have it figured out slightly better, and yes moving out may help with this. That way you'll have more confidence when it comes to explaining it all to your parents.

    Alternatively, if you feel the need to come out right away you could test the waters by bringing up the topic then base your wording on how they react to the idea. For example, you could pick a genderqueer celeb and casually ask what they think about gender identity.

    If you do change your mind later on then it's OK, sometimes it takes a while for people to figure this stuff out and if your parents don't understand that maybe you could get a friend or someone to help explain it.

    I'm cisgendered so I have no experience in this area (but I did come out as gay, which I know is different sorry), so I'm sorry if what I'm saying isn't helpful but I hope you find a way to be out and happy with who you are, no matter where you are on the gender-spectrum or who you decide to come out to :slight_smile:
     
  3. Myles Kramer

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    Gender Pronoun:
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    Sexual Orientation:
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    Some people
    Hey! I'm in the same process right now! I really love my family and I want to live with them this summer but I haven't lived with them for about a year and a half now and I don't want to seem like I'm lying to them or conspicuous when they see that I've changed and are curious about me... but yeah part of the nature of being genderfluid is that I am changing my gender presentation on a day-weekly basis and I don't honestly have a easy answer for them.

    Some things I'm doing:
    First off irl I've come out to a few people I trust and listened to their genderqueer stories and I'm seeking more support from my university's LGBTQIA resource center (we used to have a trans support group called Fluidity but apparently they are still in the process of making a new group.)
    Second, half in half out, I live in the U.S. and I had a great moment with my mom because I went to a protest on tr-mp's repeal of ensured bathroom protection and that served as a talking point to start speaking to my mom about her perceptions and validating the importance of trans rights. So I could speak with my opinions and my emotions about myself and get her reaction without outing myself because it looks like an interest in politics on the surface. (she was very validating!)
    Thirdly, this is a personal choice: I'm not switching pronouns or my given name irl at this moment. I am personally reflecting on my childhood of expressing genderqueerness without having the support or having learned the language and concepts to actually recognize it as such-- and after having learned the necessary thought process of how to approach myself, not having been safe enough in my family to have previously done so. So I'm doing a lot of self-reclamation to confirm that this is who I am.
     
    #3 Myles Kramer, Mar 8, 2017
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 8, 2017
  4. Ljjgreat2017

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    Try to ask your parents what their opinion is on the LGBT community. If it is positive, you can communicate to them more about this. If it is negative, you can always hold back on what you want to say.

    Just realize that you are young and you shouldn't feel pressured to have everything get better right now.