So, I came out to a few friends and at first it was great. I was happy and felt so much relief. Now I'm kind of regretting it. Well I tried downloading a dating app to maybe meet someone and at first I was excited... Then I realized how uncomfortable I really am with myself. I started feeling self conscious again, obsessing over my body and looks etc. Pretty much all night I've been dealing with so much self hate and crying on and off for hours. I'm not sure if I'm posting this in the right place... I just feel really lost right now and don't know what to do. Has anyone ever felt this way? I don't know if I just pushed myself to far to fast or what.. I just want to hide again. :icon_sad:
What you are describing follows on from coming out, but I don't think it's necessarily connected to coming out. I think the main issue here is self esteem. Your initial reaction to coming out was great, your initial reaction to downloading the dating app was excitement, but then you started with the self examination and began to sink and become upset. I would suggest to you, that the low mood is really connected to how you see and feel about yourself and not about your decision to come out or consider dating. What is it about your body/looks that makes you feel so uncomfortable and self conscious? What is it that you dislike about yourself... and why?
First, yes, I have felt exactly the way you are feeling now. And similar to what Patrick said I think this is not so much about coming out, but connected to a larger issue of how you feel about yourself. Anytime we put ourselves out there, reveal secrets (of any kind!) it is taking a risk, and is making us vulnerable. If we aren't comfortable with ourselves, struggle with self esteem, this can be a scary place to be, especially when we start analyzing the whole thing. Just try to remember the 'Feelings aren't Facts' quote. You feel a certain way about yourself and seem to have some negative thought patterns. But these are JUST feelings. They aren't factual. They can SEEM factual. I know for me I had a long pattern of 'hiding' myself, not feeling worthy, obsessing negatively about my body. I just assumed the beliefs in my head were TRUE, and therefore the way everyone viewed me. Therapy really helped me to realize that no, these thoughts aren't facts. Being alone, crying and consumed with self hate, can just feed on itself. (Believe me I know!) Therapy could help you express some of these feelings in a safe way and get you to a better place. It can help with depression as can medication. I am a lot better with all this not 'cured' but on a better track. Just know there is a lot of hope for you that things can improve. Thanks for sharing, even sharing with others on this site is a great step!
Hi there. I wish I could give you a big hug. You are not alone. I have felt that way for most of my life and I know how difficult it can be when self-hate and negative thoughts take hold of you. I don't think you pushed yourself too far too fast. It seems more of a case that you've got low self-esteem and feel a lot of negativity towards yourself. Coming out and downloading the app triggered a resurgence of these feelings as they meant the possibility of meeting someone. If you are up to talking about it but don't want to go into details here please send me a message I want to help if I can
I came out a few days ago now and felt exactly the the same and posted about it here. luckly my freinds I told are really supportive and one is now my "fairy" god mother apparently (he is also gay). If you ever want to talk or just get your feelings out I dont mind, I need someone going through the same thing to tell me what to do aswell. It is hard but I have started to come to terms with it. It just takes time and a supportive group of people.
