First of all, Hello to everyone. I'm new here and I could really use some advice. I recently came out to one of my good friends. It's weird because I just met her this year at college (she lived across the hall in my residence hall). I always thought if I told anyone I was gay, I'd tell one of my best friends. Sadly, they're all clueless (I think). The thing is, while I'm really happy that at least one person knows the truth about me, I want to tell my other friends and I can't seem to make myself do it. The one person I did tell was just like "Oh? Really? You always seemed straight to me...huh. Well, this is cool too." She hasn't told anyone else, and I trust her not to until I tell her it's okay. But she doesn't really let me talk about it much either. She just has a general disinterest in it. I would very much like to tell one of my closest friends but I'm terrified of doing it. Everyone thinks I'm straight because that's how I act for the most part (except for my dislike of sports, and that's mostly because I suck at them). I've never had a girlfriend or even expressed any interest in having one though, so I'm surprised no one has figured it out. I even turned down two really nice girls when they asked me out. What's worse, one of my best friends asked me about 4 months ago if I was gay and I got really angry and told him no. :bang: I should have just told him. I'm scared to though, because I don't want him to think I like him...I don't (of course if he was gay that'd be different...). His dad is a pastor so that doesn't help. And my other best friend is a die-hard Catholic so I'm scared to tell her too. The other two friends I don't know about. They might accept it, they might not. I guess I'm asking, after all of that, if anyone has any advice on how to go about telling my friends. I'm sick of hiding and lying all the time. I'm especially sick of feeling depressed and lonely every time my friends go out with their boyfriends and girlfriends or every time I see a couple walking down the street holding hands. I want that, really bad, and telling my friends is the first step towards that....I think I just need a push to get started...
wow. you know , i feel for you. i am going through that too. i guess that you should tell who you're most comfortable with.
The first person you should tell would be the one that asked you 4 months ago, because he seems to have an interest in it. Then work your way around that.
I'd really like to tell him, but I don't know how he'd take it or how I should tell him. He was really uncomfortable around my roommate who was gay (no way in hell I'm telling him, he couldn't keep his mouth shut). He asked all kinds of dumb questions too, like "Do you think one of them acts like the girl and one like the guy?" and "why would he want to be like that?" Also, like I said, i don't want him to think I like him or anything. He's like family to me and I don't want to screw that up.
Just take it all in time. Whoever you feel is the most accepting, tell them... Then work your way on up. It (usually) gets easier each person you tell. I found myself actually looking forward to coming out to the next person, after every person I told... then I started having to choose who I wanted to come out to more. Maybe I'm Unique.. but it does get easier after you start to tell more people.
Well, i agree with everyone, comming out dosent nned to rush, or you will messs up everything. But if you feel depressed cuz cant tell anybody, seek for the one that is closest to you the most, true friends wont make you sad. remember that you must forget all the thinsg taht people say, and you know, before you come out, you have to expect that any outcome would happen, and be ready for them So i wish you luck, and more courage, let us know what happens
I almost told another of my very good friends tonight but I got too nervous. I had the whole conversation planned in my head and then I couldn't do it. I hate that feeling...sometimes I just want to blurt it out, but I think that would be a very bad idea.
Well, taht happened to me sometimes, you know, sometimes comming out thru letters, emmails and chat is easier than talking face to face But when talk face to face, you need to look away, tho Just take your time, if you cant do it today, you will have more chnaces soon One thing to remember, dont come out thru anger tho, and oh, some of my friends say come out thru drunk is easy sometimes, lol Well, I think sometimes you dontneed to plan anything, most people always plan before they come out and they messed up things, just go ahead and say what ever comes to your mind at that time, because planning ahead wil make you feel nevous.
It took me well over a year to finally tell someone about it. I told three friends in a row - then no one else for a long while. I have a friend who knows about me, but he doesn't like to talk about it. He accepts it and all, but he is uncomfortable if I talk about it. It kind of hurts - but I know I made him change (he used to be really homophobic) Do things slowly and when you really feel it's the right time. That way you prevent misunderstandings and other not-so-nice situations.
It's too bad there isn't some easy way for people to know. You know....like eye color or something You never have to say "I have a secret....I have blue eyes..." Mkay...that was kinda dumb but I just got home from work and I'm tired.
Coming out IS dumb. Not the act of doing it, but that we HAVE to do it. Although I suppose in society, it's necessary. But the simple fact that we have to "come out" and heterosexuals don't is rather annoying. I'm not saying don't do it, just that it's stupid that we have to. Chances are, he was just curious. He may have had no exposure to any gay guys before. In society, most straight guys feel somewhat awkward around gay guys. It's just misconceptions. I'm guilty of feeling somewhat awkward around slutty girls - it just makes me feel uncomfortable, I don't know why. I know, I'm bad. But it's the same kind of thing. And cool avatar. :starwars:
I'll start with an inspirational sounding bit to try to give you that "push" that you mention. Coming out, although daunting and potentially unpleasant, really is worth the risk. At first, you get a sort of euphoric feeling as you realize that you've just cast off some of the shackles chaining you down in life and that you're finally free to just be you. But really, the sweet spot, as I'm discovering, is a bit further down the road. As you continue on and start to meet people and you can just be you, it's like you get to see the world in color for the first time. As for your concerns about friends, think of it as though you're testing them, because in a not-inconsequential way, you are. Coming out will be a test to see if your friends are really friends, or if they've just been hanging out for the ride. If they react negatively, then they weren't genuinely your friends, despite what anyone might say or think. Friends are supposed to watch each others' backs no matter what. That's what makes a friend a friend. I was terrifically pleased to discover when I came out that the people that I thought were friends in fact were friends, and I would hope that the same holds true for you, as well. As far as how they'll react, especially the friend you denied it to a few months ago, I know this is going to be far easier for me to say than for you to do, but seriously, don't worry about it. Reactions are an inevitable part of coming out, and it's a part that you CANNOT control, so all you should focus on is the part you can control, which is the coming out part. It's your show, so make sure you're the one directing it. If anyone asks why you waited/denied it previously/whatever, just be honest. Fear can do weird things to people. Realistically, though, I think people don't even need to ask why. I think they already know. I wish you the best of luck on this journey!
Hey, thanks to all the responses! I really appreciate them. When I came out to the one friend that knows, I started the conversation by asking "hypothetically, what would you do if I was gay?" I was thinking of doing this again with another of my friends. I wrote a letter to the guy, but I'm scared to even give it to him...
aww, well everyone says real friends would stay by you, and i stay true to that, if you come out and they want nothing to do with you, well then you don't need someone like that in your life, and then you can find friends who like gay people, or are comfortable with it, just don't get angry about it, I've developed a "who gives a (fill in the blank) " attitude, so now whoever asks me, i come off as i don't care.
My mother kicked me out of her house tonight. I'm trying to stay positive though, and so should you. If you don't feel ready to tell someone yet, don't. Come out on your own terms, your own way.
my score: Brother knows, doesn't like to talk about it. Numerous female friends know, about ten or so: all are pretty great with it Numerous guys in my sobriety group know; some are cool, some aren't, some could care less Childhood friend I came out to, accepted then freaked out Relax...it's a journey, take what support you can from groups like us: we love you.
