So I'm 22 and I've been struggling with my sexuality for a long time now. At 17 I started realizing that I was interested in women, but I thought I was "mostly straight" and was only interested in a few women. Then for a while I thought I might be a true lesbian since I hadn't been attracted to any men in some time. Now I'm trying not to concern myself so much with putting a label on my sexuality. Recently I happened to meet a guy online. He's really sweet, smart, and funny, and he has the prettiest eyes. We also like a lot of the same things. We've been talking for about a month via email and text (he lives a few hundred miles away), and we're planning to Skype soon. I know things are still definitely in the preliminary stages, but I think we both like each other. I am usually not physically attracted to men, but I can definitely see myself at least kissing him, and I like to daydream about it. I feel like that attraction could grow the more we get to know one another. I'm excited to talk with him face-to-face and hopefully make plans to meet up in person sometime in the near future. The problem is, I haven't told him at all that I'm queer. It's just never come up in conversation and I have no idea how to casually bring it up. And he's very Christian (but not homophobic, I'm pretty sure) but I'm still afraid he might be weirded out by the fact that I'm attracted to women or won't want to pursue a relationship with me because of it. I've never even been in a relationship with a woman (or a man, for that matter..) but I'm still afraid of scaring him away. I know if he reacts poorly then it's for the best that we aren't together and I found out ahead of time, but I still don't want that to happen. When is the right time to tell him? It's something kind of personal and I would feel extremely uncomfortable casually bringing it up in conversation (we haven't talked about anything really personal yet at this point), but at the same time I don't want to keep it a secret for a long time and make him wonder why I kept this information from him. Any advice?
My wife is bisexual. Her opinion is you don't really know what you are anyway. Why worry so much about a label? Just be you and find out what you enjoy. Mary says there seems to be a huge prejudice against bisexuality. Or a strong inclination to need to be either straight or homosexual. Mary is both, and has been out for over 25 years. Mary feels differently towards men and women, but she enjoys both. Be you, explore what makes you happy. ---------- Post added 13th Mar 2017 at 11:01 AM ---------- I pointed out Mary didn't answer the question about when to share, but we differ on that. So she finally said just tell him to eat you out like the lesbian of your dreams, and if he can't laugh and roll with it then it won't work out. Mary has a lot of edge. She thinks you should just be you, and don't need to say anything special until you have sex. But sex might be less casual to you than it was to us, so it might be good to bring it up slightly before then.
Haha, thanks for the response. I guess I'm just worried because he and I are both the type to wait until marriage for sex (unusual nowadays, I know, but we feel strongly about it) so I feel like that actually puts more pressure on me to tell him earlier because I can't just casually bring it up before we have sex for the first time, you know? Ahh, I'm just so anxious about telling him at all. Should I be super casual about it? Should I send him an email? Who knows?
