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Just came out as bi to my mom- she is highly confused.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by jelliebeans, Mar 15, 2017.

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  1. jelliebeans

    jelliebeans
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    I'm married to a straight man who has known that I'm bi our entire relationship and has been incredibly supportive throughout. Since we have been married (recently), I feel like my queer side has been becoming increasingly invisible. I thought coming out to my family might help me feel less hidden, if that makes sense. I have a solid relationship with my mom, so I thought I would tell her first, then perhaps tell my dad and the rest of my family.

    However, when I told my mom that I'm bi, she laughed, thought I was joking, and then told me she didn't want to talk about it, and that she thinks I just have close girl friends and that she's had close relationships with women before. I did my best to address her questions and concerns, but I can tell she is incredibly confused.

    She eventually thanked me for being honest with her, and that she loved me the same. But she also told me not to tell the rest of my family or anyone else for that matter, which didn't feel great. It also seemed to defeat the purpose of me telling her. I felt like she is trying to accept my sexuality, but would prefer me to stay closeted.

    I understand my situation is a little unique and how it could be confusing to an outsider. I thought telling her and being honest with her would make me feel free somehow, but I just feel... conflicted.

    Is this pretty typical? Should I even try to talk to the rest of my family? Anyone have any thoughts or advice on this situation? I just want to be able to be myself with my friends and family.
     
    #1 jelliebeans, Mar 15, 2017
  2. skittlz

    skittlz
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    ahah.. well I actually have a close friend, and she came out to her mom as bisexual...her mom doesn't believe bisexuality exists so she was very confused too...( as far as her mom knows, my friend only dated guys...)

    I also watched a story of a youtuber coming out as bisexual to her mom when she was 14. Her mom dismissed it.

    The other day, I was talking to my mom about sexuality...my mom supports same sex relationships, but feels that bisexuality is overindulgence because she feels that sexuality is more or less a choice. This is probably because she doesn't really relate to having sexual attraction at all, so I don't think she'll want to think about her 16 yr old daughter being bisexual. I haven't seriously dated anyone tho...

    so yeah i think it could be pretty normal, but it isn't right. As long as you feel ok to be out to the rest of the family, you should give it a shot. (Maybe start with relatives you think will be more supportive)

    ---------- Post added 15th Mar 2017 at 04:27 PM ----------

    By the way, personally, I'm still closeted to my family because I have a lot of other issues in the family that I want to focus on resolving first. In the meantime, I hope you get the support you need :slight_smile:

    ---------- Post added 15th Mar 2017 at 04:31 PM ----------

    (ps it seems your mom means well. I imagine the confusion goes away after some time)
     
    #2 skittlz, Mar 15, 2017
  3. WMM

    WMM
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    Hello

    I am an old straight guy. My wife is bisexual.

    In what way do you want to be yourself? How are you not being yourself?

    Do you need to tell people you are bisexual before you can act as you feel you should act?

    Do you plan on taking a girlfriend to a family gathering? Are you needing to prepare your family so they won't ask awkward questions when you hold hands and kiss your girlfriend?

    Odd questions, to be sure, but the path you are setting yourself on could easily lead to things like that. Mary has been openly bisexual for 25 years. We have been married for 43 years.

    It gets weird sometimes. Especially for my wife. She is actively bisexual. Now she has a female relative, straight as an arrow, asking if she can watch Mary make love to her girlfriend. Mary is up for it, but the logistics of it are too tough because people live too far apart.

    Other relatives won't believe she's bisexual because she's married.

    Mary still acts as she acts. She flirts with just about every girl she meets.

    Oh well.

    So, just what is it you are hoping to achieve by coming out? Being free to act differently? Just act differently. Let them see you.

    Be well.

    ---------- Post added 15th Mar 2017 at 09:58 PM ----------

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    #3 WMM, Mar 15, 2017
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