I'm tired of being the "good girl."

I totally understand. My advice is just relax if you want to flirt with a girl just do it go with th flow. If you want to laugh at a dirty joke do it if your friends get shocked just say hey it was funny. I agree don't be crazy and reckless. Just let yourself be you and have fun.

 

oh god I know what your talking about, you pretty much just wrote about my life there. The only thing is because of that I'm not so good at offering advice because I'm still stuck in the same rut and don't know how to get myself out let alone help anyone else. I've always had really good marks at school and now I'm constantly expected to do well and I'm sick of it, if I didn't want to screw up thing for myself I would start failing just to see how people react.

The only I have found that kind of worked was coming out to my parents, because they see it as the worst possible things it has sort of shown them that I'm not the perfect daughter they always thought but I still wish they didn't feel this way about me being gay but at least that is one slightly good side to it.

Sorry about the lack of advice, but I do understand what you are feeling.

 

Holy cow, story of my life! The good news is I actually changed the way I live and I'm sorta happy with the way I am right now.

I changed, I put myself out there constantly, I did stuff (drugs and alcohol) that I wasn't comfortable with and everything. What did that earn me? A name I DID NOT want. I screwed up a lot of things in life between the ages of 16 and 18, and it sucked. Now I'm almost 21 and I have no desire to drink ever again...

As for the sex thing, seriously wait till you're ready. One thing I learned recently that made me feel better was that in girls it is possible to not develop the sex drive until you're 17 or 18 and that it has nothing to do with when you started puberty. That made me feel loads better because I was definately 18 before I had ANY interest in having sex with anyone... (Yeah embarassing, but I'll get over it) Also, it's okay to wait...some of us have the idea that we have to solidify our sexuality by having sex, not true.

Hope that helps, sorta. I left out quite a few details because I don't think them appropriate to post to the world, but if you want to PM me go for it.

 

wow i now how you feel i am 31 now and when i was in school i was called the teachers pet my brother calls me a china doll and still to this day he believes it i have never been the type to do drugs or to drink or have sex i was always a great student and i never had friends i finally got tired of being that way. i had in the back of my head that i liked girls but if i said anything then i was scared that it would change me and the relationship i had with my family when i turned 31 i met this guy and said that if i had sex with him then i could not be a lesbian but i had no feeling at all and waiting for that special one will never happen so my 2 cents is if you like you then don't change for anyone but you because in the end you only hurt yourself.

 

I was quite shy,when I was younger.I think I "came out of my shell" as I got a little older.
Sometimes you have to give yourself a little push to get the ball rolling.
And you DON'T have to drink,do drugs or have sex! (and good for you that you know that)
Just start by talking more and having a sense of humor helps,a lot. Don't worry so much what other people think,just let your personality go. BE the person you know you are.

 

We had a therapist at PFLAG this week who specializes in treating glbt teens. She named one type of teens that she has treated that sound just like you ~ the overachiever. You try to be perfect because you are afraid that this one facet of you (homosexuality) could disappoint people that you love. My son was the same way! You have to learn that being gay is not a bad thing. This allows you to feel more free about not being perfect all the time. Know what I mean? Once you feel that release you will be able to make more friends and laugh more often and just be yourself.

 

It's a broken record by the time you get to my post, but I'll still give my 2 cents.

I was the "good girl" in high school. Everyone thought I was this goody-2-shoes who stayed at home and studied all the time. Most of the people at school were shocked if I cussed or showed up at a party or did anything they thought I shouldn't. You know what I said? "Screw 'em." By junior year I was sick of all of it and I was just myself. I kept my grades up and was still the "model student" but I really tried not to care what others thought. I was fairly open with my group of friends. I laughed when I wanted to and made sarcastic remarks when I thought they were needed. You can't let your friends' perceptions of you dictate who you are as a person. So laugh when you think something is funny. After a while they will get used to it. Seriously, do what makes you happy (within reason, of course.) Don't rebel simply to rebel; if you must rebel, do it because what you are currently doing bothers you.

One of my friends right now lives 2 separate lives: 1 at home and 1 at college. At home she's this angel who works hard, doesn't cuss, doesn't party, and goes to church. At school she is still a good person but drinks (she is 21), parties, talks about sex (she's a virgin), and still goes to church. I respect her just the same as her parents do even though they see a different side of her. She keeps her morals but is simply more outspoken than she would be if she were at home.

All I'm trying to say is be vocal, say what is on your mind, but still stay true to yourself. Just because you CAN rebel doesn't mean you should, but you should be yourself.

 

My philosiphy is this: I will do what I want to do and be who I am. I will make sure that I am always comfortable in my own skin no matter what. If this constitutes a rebillion then so be it.

I was so sick of being the god girl in my social circle. So I changed their view of me. I started laughing at the dirty jokes I thought were funny. Then I graduated to telling them. Coming out to my friends wasn't so hard after I realized that if they didn't like me for who I am, Bi or not, then they were NOT my friends.

You are who you are and that's wonderful. As long as you love it, it will show. Don't bust into it all at once, Like show up in a rainbow dress with piercings and such, but start making the little changes you need to to feel how you want to feel. You can do it!

Best of luck!

 

Got your new theme song.

[youtube]SS02GeKuWQ4[/youtube]

Lex

 

Is this a girls only gathering? Or can boys join in too? :icon_wink

I can certainly relate to the situation. Sometimes I feel like all my life the first question that I always asked myself was "what would others expect of me?" And then I usually did that over what I wanted to do. I did good in school and uni, looked after my brother, and generally let myself be ordered around by everyone.

Frankly, I don't really regret acting the way I did, though. It got me a nice job, a good relationship with the rest of my family, and friends I could build a house on. But it also left me a bit unfulfilled.

However, when I took the step and came out to my friends, none of them were remotely surprised (at least not at how I really was. they were surprised I finally came around to admitting it). I spent hours a day with them. Perhaps it was just really presumptuous of me to think I could keep up the facade 24/7.
And now they're saying how happy I seem now...

I think you just need an action plan. Stop thinking "what if.." and set dates and do it!
You could even announce those dates on here. And we will mercilessly hound you untill you follow the schedule! That's what helped for me!

 

yeh tbh i think that many people have been through this, i know i have, i had the same two friends for many years, its only bin in the last two years i made tonnes of new ones and started to be more me, i guess it just takes time, just don't suddenly turn into a teenage rebel or people will think ure trying too hard. And there is plenty of time for going out and getting drunk, which i found out the other night is really not very fun, i'm staying away from the vodka for a while!

 

I can sympathise too.

I'm the only son (I am one of three) that has a job. One brother is married to a wacko who the rest of the family dont like. The other is a recluse. I am the one that has achieved the most and for the most part (I do drink too much at weekends) I have never been much trouble.

Now though I just feel like I need to throw the shackles off and shock people by being who I want to be. I dont mean shock in a bad way. I'm not really sure how I mean it to be honest.

I still have the fear though that is holding me back at the minute. I've no gay friends to talk to if I do what I feel like doing. I am hoping that is going to change in the next few weeks/months/year as I try to immerse myself a little in the 'gay lifestyle' that I have only ever seen on tv.

Your not alone in feeling how you feel. That thread makes that fairly clear. Good luck.

 

basically everything's been said by other peope lol but yep i totally totally understand how you feel.
i am just like you, and im just sick and tired of this immaculate/pristine image that other people sees me. but i find it hard to change this image, b/c once again, im too afraid of what other people will think of me.
it's a vicious cycle and it needs to be breaked. but yea, just wanted 2 say i feel you.
*gives big hugs*

 

Just do what feels comfortable for you, if it means being a little crazy, then go ahead. I'm kinda like you. People who don't know me very well thinks of me as this quiet kid who's extremely smart. People get very surprised when they hear me cursing and talking about something dirty.
Among my friends, I talk much more and often about the dirtiest things. They also realize I'm very slow when it comes to some things.:icon_redf

 

I totally understand how you feel. Even at this moment, to my family, I am the one they can always rely on, the one that is kind and responsible, the only one in the family going to college, the only one that can't do anything wrong in his life. And I keep telling them it will all change in the future, but they just shrug it off as yet another of my pessimistic comments. (They even think my pessimism is just me never realizing that everything I do in life turns out great and successful).

So yeah, I can totally relate.

I especially agree on the part where you say you can't come out because it's a contrast to what people think of you. We all become to comfortable in that role of the good person that we think our world is basically ruined when we approach the possibility of coming out to someone.

 

I definitely feel the same way. I feel like I listen to my mom too much and sometimes that I would just have more fun if she didn't interfere. The best advice I can think of is to take it slow, but don't be afraid to be yourself.