Looking to get help on how to come out to my wife of 6 years. We have two children 2 yrs and 4 each old. We are both 30 and married for 5 years (together for 9 years). I think I finally have the clarity and understanding to talk to her about this but I want to make sure the timing and everything is best for her to make it as painless as possible. To give you some context, 5 years ago we moved away from family across country for my career - I had a perfect job that I succeeded at and really loved. But my wife grew really sad to be away from family. So, for her, I quit my dream job and found another good job offer (though not as good as current job) back near family and we are going to be moving back. Well, I'm moving back alone in two weeks to start new job while the wife and kids stay behind until we sell our home. Part of me feels like now is a good time to tell her... but we are going through a lot of change (albeit good change for my wife since she is very happy to be moving back). But we will be selling our current house and starting new again, so it will kind of be a clean slate, and I think it would be good for her to have this information as we plan for the future move... I cannot begin to express the angst, confusion and sadness I feel. I can't say, "regret" because I always did what I thought was best (just didn't have the clarity or assurance earlier in my life to come out) and I have two beautiful awesome kids that I'd do anything for. Our story is probably like most in this situation: I truly loved her and genuinely did not ever have the desire at the time to be with another male (I had only dated girls before). Sex was great for the first few years, but the sex life started to dwindle and it got harder and harder for me to be interested in sex with her. I think it is mutual because she does not have a good libido and if I didn't initiate sex, then she never would anyway. And as I got older and started exploring my sexuality I have realized that I am fairly exclusively attracted to men (older, manlier guys mainly, which is maybe why I never felt gay when younger because I'm not attracted to more boyish men?). And I have finally enough perspective to feel confident that I am a gay man and feel like I need to tell her. I just don't know how to do it best for her. Do you think now is a good time to do it? I'm only in our current home for two more weeks before I move back across country for the new job... and I don't know if telling her now, just before leaving her in two weeks to move back is the best (or maybe it is good so we can sort things out before I start my new job) and I'd rather let her know now since she is planning to buy a new big house for us in our new location... and I'd rather not do that if she decides she doesn't want to be with me. I reached out the the Straight Spouse Network as well for advice and will plan on giving her their info as a resource to talk to. I've always been the person that is mortified by the idea of hurting someone else, so this is truly hard for me... This is really hard... appreciate whatever help/advice/guidance you can offer.
