I made a thread a few weeks ago explaining my homosexual feelings and asked for advice. My parents are the first people I will be coming out to and I already don't have a good relationship with them. I'm extremely scared of how they will react and how they will treat me after I tell them. I don't even really know what to say when I do come out. All I know is that I need to get this off my chest. All advice is appreciated.
Depends on how bad is your relationship with them and why. Do you talk with them? Are you arguing with them? Maybe I can give a better advice if I know this.
Over the past few years there has been constant arguing and fighting. I know I am the one to blame but I feel like the source of the conflict comes from me staying the closet. I feel like if I told them they wouldn't accept me so I push them away instead. I don't mean to be melodramatic: I have a pretty good life otherwise. I'm just tired of the fighting and secrecy. ---------- Post added 19th Mar 2017 at 04:17 PM ---------- I'm 17 btw
Why have you decided to tell your parents first? I'm not saying you shouldn't but often people decide to come out first to a person they feel will be more accepting for support. Either way, perhaps consider telling them how you feel rather than who/what you are. If you're not so sure yourself then tell them that. If they attempt to tell you that your feelings are wrong or misunderstood, try to remind them that what you need is their support, not their advice or judgement. Say something like "I know you can't tell me what to do about this but I need your understanding and support whilst I work it out myself". Remember you've had time to consider this and they haven't so if there is a silence then just take a breather and give them time to respond. Don't feel that you have to keep blurting things out just because it goes quiet otherwise you may say things you don't want to. Finally, try not to be assumptive. Avoid saying things like "I know you won't approve" or "you don't believe me" etc. Often we say things like that to protect ourselves from rejection but it can lead to tension and conflict - nobody likes to be told how they think or feel by someone else. The truth is you don't really know what they think until you talk to them so keep as open a mind as you'd like them to. Hope that helps.
Maybe you should come out to at least one accepting friend at first. This way you know there is someone who supports you and you who can go to if your parents react badly.
Well, looks like Calf was faster, I was going to write almost the same :lol: Just something to add: Before you come out, try to make the atmosphere between you and your parents the best you can. Talk with them, do not start any argument, just act nice. Also I would suggest to wait for the moment when they are in a better mood by themselves, and then just improve it. Just remember, NO arguing. If you will feel that your parents are going to start an argument (or if they really start it), then try to calm them down or just wait for a better time.
Thanks for the advice guys. I think I'll wait to a later date to come out. In the meanwhile I will try to improve my relationship with my parents and maybe even "test the water" a bit to see how they feel about homosexuals.
