Prepare yourself for a long one... I'm 29 and have been questioning my sexuality since the age of 25. I finally took the plunge at the age of 27 and decided to test the waters by going on a date with a guy I'd met on a dating app. I picked him up from work and went for a drive and a quiet drink. We really hit it off and I liked how open and confident he was around his sexuality. We discussed coming out stories and he gave me some much needed confidence about how I should come about expressing my orientation. Anyway fast forward to the end of the date, we both shared a very steamy kiss and fondle (sorry no more details as I don't to be the author of 50 shades of the rainbow). I felt totally exhilarated and happy. And that is how I knew I was gay. That one little mess about in the car was greater than the entire collection of sexual experiences I'd had over the years. One problem solved another presents itself. How do I tell people about the change and how do I feel about the whole thing myself. I decided to sort the problems and fold them into one. I told my best friend and discussed the date with him. He could only be described as wonderful. Totally accepting and encouraging. One quote which would become very prominent over the next few months was "whatever, as long as your happy, I'm happy". The list of people I came out to over the next few months grew and the one memorable experience was from my married lesbian friend who didn't have a clue I was gay. She encouraged me to not put a lot of emphasis on being gay as it really isn't that big of a deal. And finally tell your parents. It's here I hit a roadblock, at this point I'd told all of my close friends and everyone at work knows, only because I literally had to come out as one of my coworkers tried setting me up on a date with a another coworker. So now I feel guilty that a lot of people who I generally don't consider being more than coworkers know and my own Mother doesn't. The only members of immediate family do know are my sister and my brother in law. It is this that has caused me to go dormant relationship wise and again fall back into doubt. I still know I'm gay but I find myself doubting it all the time. Any advice on how I can come out to my Mum would be very much appreciated.
Thanks for sharing , just be honest , as a parent we love our kids no matter what and you are old enough to be who you are , tell her how you love her and have found who you are and are at peace with it . You have enough support that should give you the confidence to tell her . Love is forever as a parent and we only want our kids to be happy.
Hey Man I'm in a kinda similar boat...Similar age too.. Although I been questioning it a fair bit longer than you and tbh I've had more experiences with guys over the years too so I Shudda just faced up to it sooner... Yet I still kept it all to myself until about 2years ago I told my old flatmate.... Then as time went on I've told a few friends... My brother... Problem is now that everyone who knows, knows to keep it a secret... Which is mental really coz I realised the other day more of my close friends now know than don't. But coz I haven't told my parents I don't want it to be public knowledge yet... I feel pretty crap about that coz my parents will be cool im fairly sure. I think it's coz I kept it from them so long is made it more difficult to be honest... But in any case I've been building up to telling them for months and I think I'm going to try tomorrow night... Ergh... Feel sick at the thought Haha... But i know that they will be cool really and I guess just got to stop making such a big deal of it..ive had no bad experiences as of yet so really I shouldn't from my parents.. Just hope they aren't to upset about being kept in the dark... Anyway don't think my post really helps u I just felt like commenting as I kinda related to yours a bit. If I do end up going for it tomo maybe I'll come back on here and let ya know how it went! Wish me luck... And good luck with your mate!
Thanks for your honesty and vulnerability, Chris. I think the most important thing is to be true to yourself, and not to rush anything that you're not comfortable with. At the end of the day, it's your prerogative as to when you come out. No one with integrity will force you to come out - it's something that you will naturally know when the time is right, so please don't feel guilty about being in the closet. It's also true that we risk more by being vulnerable with people we love the most, which is why often people come out to their family last. I don't know your family situation, but if you're anything like me, you stored up all those times when a family member made even the slightest homophobic comment across the years, when they didn't even mean it like that and it didn't even cross their mind that it could be perceived as homophobic. Often, we make it worse in our minds than it will be, as a tactic for self-preservation. There is a safety in the closet, but it's not comparable to the freedom you experience outside the closet, if that makes sense, especially when you're fully out. The experience when you're partially out isn't near when you're fully out, in my experience. For what it's worth, I disagree with your lesbian friend's comment that sexuality is only a part of you. You can't let people dictate how you express yourself and your sexuality, as it won't be you living out your own personal truth (it's similar to 'masc 4 masc' guys, who are usually actually dealing with a lot of internalised homophobia and unable to process this). At the end of the day, you can't deny yourself to appease straight people! Hope this helps.
