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I wasn't ready to come out...?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by clickitysplit, Mar 20, 2017.

  1. clickitysplit

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 11, 2017
    Messages:
    12
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    United Kingdom
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    [NOTE] This is more of a vent than asking for advice, so if you would like to respond to my first thread which is more specific to me questioning my sexuality, then that's here: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/coming-out-advice/232351-am-i-actually-bi-actually-just-phase.html]

    Hey everyone, so I'm 18 and since last year, I've been questioning my sexuality, and if I like girls, too. I feel like I've been taught to assume I'm straight, but over the years, I've started watching/reading more LGBTQ+ content, and it's naturally made me start to question if I know my sexuality as well as I think I do. I'm still not 100% sure if I'm gay/bi, and some days, I really identify as "not straight", but others days I find myself reverting back to questioning myself if this is "just a phase."

    I never planned on telling either of my parents that I think I might like girls, too. But yesterday, me and my mum were talking about our views on LGBTQ+ stuff, and she basically "cannot believe that 1 in 3 people are gay" (she thinks that's too many) and she also said that she thinks kids label themselves as gay/trans too early, and that you "can't know at that age." We got into a debate about our views, and when she asked me about mine, she ended up asking if I thought I was gay/bi. But I just didn't say anything because I didn't know how to respond, and I felt like I couldn't. But next thing I know, she's sat me down and is asking me again, and I feel like I can't not say anything, so I told her I think I might like girls too.

    Now, I know that she loves me unconditionally, and she always tells me that she wants the best for me, but there were some things she told me which emphasised my already existing doubts about my sexuality, which really upset me. She didn't react badly or anything, but here's a few examples of the things she told me:

    - that I'm confused and this will pass
    - that thinking a girl is really attractive, and wanting to kiss her is normal for straight girls too
    - that I always went through phases/fixations about things when I was younger, and this might just turn out to be one of them
    - that if I like boys and girls, why not make things easier for myself by choosing to find a man
    - that if I wanted to marry/start a family with a girl, it would be so much harder
    - that I'll go off to university this year and maybe just find a guy anyway

    I'm still so unsure what part of me I should believe in terms of my sexuality, but from what my mum was saying, I know that she's hoping this will just go away and that she will have been right in the end. I was totally not ready to come out, but I didn't felt like I had any other option and the whole situation has me feeling more hopeless than before. She asked me if it was okay that she "prayed for me" for these feelings to pass, and that I'll end up with a guy etc.... I just feel so shameful, now, for even entertaining the idea that I might like girls, and this whole situation is just UGH.

    Anyway, I don't really know how to end this because I don't know what I want out this thread. And to be honest I don't have a preference; all responses are welcomed, because everyone on here so far has been so so supportive. If you'd like to look at my first thread about me questioning my sexuality, then you can find that here:

    http://emptyclosets.com/forum/coming-out-advice/232351-am-i-actually-bi-actually-just-phase.html

    Do let me know if you read it, in your response!

    (Also, sorry this post is such a monstrosity!)

    Thanks so much to everyone who reads/responds,
    and much love to you all x x x