hey, i dunno whether there is anything that i can do, i have this friend, he me and this other friend grew up together, went to the same primary school, and secondary school, they are both like still my best friends but one moved to wales about two years ago, i still talk to him every week, and we see each other every other holiday, my other friend is still my best friend, he was the first one i came out to, and hes been great. so i was just talking to my friend in wales, and brought up the 'people being gay' topic, now he used to be a bit homophobic, one of the reasons it took me so long to tell anyone, after he left to wales i made tonnes of new friends and became more open and now i am beginning to come out, anyway it turns out he still has a irrational dislike of gay people, and i dunno, this left me feeling really crap because i've been wanting to tell him for ages and now i'm worried that if i do i might lose him as a friend. So any advice is welcome, i just can't understand how some friends are so supportive and cool, whilst others can be such idiots, he doesn't even have any good reason for not liking gay people, he just doesn't like them, they are 'wrong' and he wouldn't apparently be friends with one. Yet we have been friends for like 12 years or something and know each other so well, i just hope that if i tell him he might change his mind. Sorry if this is really long. Mat
My Dad didn't like gay people either and thought they were "wrong" until his grandson came out to him. He said "I love you anyway." Now I'm not saying that there won't be an adjustment period. My Dad still has some issues but he is a different person now than what he was before my son came out to him. I think once your friend knows you are gay his perceptions will change too. You just need to be prepared to educate him on this.
I dont really think there is too much that you can do apart from tell him and see what happens from there. If he is a true friend then he will come round in time and realise that you are still you - you've just decided to be honest with him. If he doesnt come round to it then that will be pretty bad but at least you know where you stand.
i agree coming out to him would be the right thing to do,if he really is your true friend he will support you,and perhaps change his prespective on gay people, and realize that gay people are normal people with life choices,if he doesn't come around in time,then a true friend he is not, but i feel you have more to gain than keeping this lie to him,i wish you the best ,perhaps he say those things around you because deep down he is scared to come out of the closet himself,it could just be a defense mechanism he uses when you bring up the subject about gay people, you never know you may have a crush hidden behind his fasade.
Following on from what Becky said, your friend is probably just uneducated, and is following the sheep with his opinion about gay people. His opinion will surely change when he knows 'his best friend growing up' is actually gay.
ta for all the advice, i was hoping that he might have changed, that he might feel differently, and i will tell him, i just might wait till when i see him in person over the summer, the funny thing is my other best friend, the one i first came out to is bisexual, and my friend in wales doesn't know that. Even though he may be homophobic his one best friend he grew up with is gay and the other is bi, i just think that is really funny, if only he knew.
Its probably already obvious to you, but don't 'accidently' out your friend in your process of coming out, unless he's said he doesn't mind if your other friend knows...
Maybe your friend is gay too and he's trying to cover it by being openly "anti-gay". Have you ever thought of that?
Yes - the joke's on him, isn't it?!? He HAS been friends with one for years! I'd say he'll come around after you tell him. What's the alternative? Continue being friends yet feel crappy every time you talk to him and he makes that kind of comment?
